Engagement of an idiot
by LadyFromPoland
Summary: Merlin tells Arthur that he's going to marry a noble lady. The king doesn't want to accept it because Merlin doesn't really know her and he always said that people should marry for love. Arthur is ready to do everything to change Merlin's decision. SLASH
1. Revelations

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**Storyline: Merlin, the Court Magician, tells Arthur that he's going to marry a noble lady. The king doesn't want to accept it because Merlin doesn't really know her and he always said that people should marry for love. Arthur is ready to do everything to change Merlin's decision.  
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**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>First of all... I passed my exam! :D I'm so happy!<br>I know that I promised to publish the first chapter sooner and I'm sorry that I didn't.**** I hope you'll enjoy it now! ^^**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 1**

„**Revelations"**

Arthur was sitting in his favourite chair, drinking a chalice of tasty wine. It was a year since Guinevere had decided to spend her life with Lancelot. It was a painful experience for Arthur. All these years of worshipping the forbidden love when his father had been still alive and these months of courting Gwen after he became a king were lost. Nonetheless, Arthur didn't feel betrayed any longer. The pain let go quickly and few days after Gwen and Lancelot's wedding, he was feeling quite well and he was ready to face his future.

When everything seemed to be perfect again, something unexpected had to happen. Arthur thought there was nothing in the world what would surprise him more than Merlin's gift of magic. However his best friend was never going to stop surprising him.

The warlock had knocked on his door the previous day and he simply admitted that he was going to marry Rowena, the daughter of some rich nobleman. After the revelation Merlin just got out of Arthur's chambers and was avoiding him for the next day.

The news turned the king's world upside down. Merlin didn't know anything about Rowena. Arthur had never seen them talking. The idea of Merlin's marrying anyone was preposterous but idea of his marrying someone who was practically a stranger to him was simply repulsive. Arthur couldn't allow this. He needed to stop his best friend before it was too late.

First of all he needed to find the reason of Merlin's decision. Then he would use many arguments to convince him that _the reason_ wasn't really reasonable. The king wasn't, however, aware that convincing Merlin to tell him the truth was something near impossibility.

oOoOo

"Merlin!" Arthur's voice echoed through the corridor. It wasn't probably the way the king was supposed to behave but in this moment Arthur screwed it. Merlin stopped in the middle of staircase and waited until Arthur walked up to him. Any other person could run to his king the moment he heard his name. However Merlin was different and Arthur secretly respected him for this.

"Good morning, Sire," the sorcerer said kindly.

"Finish this charade," Arthur asked him. "Everybody knows that you call me by my name."

"Prat?" Merlin asked teasingly.

"That's not time for it, Merlin. We need to talk and you know that." Arthur took a deep breath. "You have to tell me why you want to marry the girl."

"Her name is Rowena," the warlock pointed out.

"Her name doesn't matter," Arthur said angrily. "You don't know her. Why do you want to do this?"

"I have my reasons," Merlin mumbled. "I've no idea why you're so concerned. I'm going to marry her, not you."

The king sighed. "I'm worried because you're my friend and I just can't see logic in your plans. She's practically a stranger to you. Marrying her would be the worst decision you ever made."

"You don't know anything!" Merlin raised his voice. "Besides you've got some problem with marriages. Gwen's left you and you can't move on. You should try to find your own happiness. You may be a king but no one is going to do it for you."

"That's not about me and Guinevere. That's about you. Don't mix these two totally different things." Arthur had his pride and wasn't going to let Merlin turn his own mistakes against himself. "I'm just trying to understand your behaviour."

"Then tell me Arthur, who I am?" Merlin asked, stopping.

"What?" The blonde blinked a few times.

"Just answer my question," Merlin said quietly.

"You're my friend, my advisor and quite powerful sorcerer," Arthur said after a while.

"Yes." The warlock nodded. "However for many, many years I was polishing your armour, mending your clothes and mocking your stables. I used to be nothing but your clumsy manservant. For many people I'm still a peasant who was cunning enough to convince you that my powers were worth something. I need those people to respect me and I can gain it marrying a noble lady."

Arthur was watching him in disbelief. "So it's all about bloody title?" Arthur shook his head. "You can't do this! It was you who were telling me about the romantic value of marriage. It was you who said that people should marry for love. I believed you! I thought that you were believing in the words you were saying."

"I believe in them," Merlin said weakly, astonished by Arthur's argument. "But it's not always so easy."

"It's easy," Arthur said stubbornly. "You don't have to marry her."

"You don't understand." Merlin sighed silently. "I will marry Rowena and I want you to respect my decision."

"How can I respect decision of a bloody hypocrite?" the king asked angrily. "I thought that this rotten world would never change you. Unfortunately, I was mistaken!"

Arthur was about to go away when Merlin punched him in his arm.

"You've got no reason to insult me," the warlock said miserably and ran away before Arthur could do anything.

oOoOo

Arthur felt horrible. Insulting Merlin was not the best way to convince him to change his mind. It was a tactical mistake. Arthur wanted Merlin to trust him. He needed to act slower and more carefully. Finally he needed to present Merlin the possible consequences of ill-conceived marriage.

However the first point of his plan was to go to Merlin and say sorry for his words. Normally the warlock would deny to talk to him for a few days before forgiving his _prattish _attitude. Nonetheless, Arthur didn't want to waste precious time. He didn't know the date of this fatal marriage, if any was already existing, but to make things slow, he needed start as soon as possible.

Arthur didn't understand why Merlin wanted to live in the chamber in the highest tower. It was quite tiring to get there. That was one of the reasons the king visited his friend so rarely. Normally it was Merlin who was going to king's chamber to talk about more or less serious subjects or remain in comfortable silence.

The blonde knocked on Merlin's door.

"Come in," he heard his friend's voice after a few seconds.

Arthur came inside and saw Merlin putting one of the books on a shelf. The warlock looked over his shoulder and immediately turned his head back. "Have you come to keep on insulting me?" he asked a little bit harshly. "If you did, then I need to warn you that I've heard much about myself in my life and you're not able to surprise me by calling me some other names. They probably don't exist."

"Merlin," Arthur groaned. "I'm not here to call you names."

"Then did something connected with magic happen during last few hours?" the warlock asked very professionally.

"You'd already know if something happen. You can sense such things," the king reminded him. "I've come here to tell you that I didn't mean the words that I said."

Merlin turned around to look Arthur in the eye. "That's something knew," he said quietly. "Are you sure you feel well? The Arthur I know wouldn't admit that he was sor..."

"Shut up."

"That's the Arthur I know," Merlin said with a small smile. "Prat."

"Idiot."

They were looking at each other for a while and then in the same moment they started laughing. They were laughing and laughing and couldn't stop. There was something magical in this moment and Arthur didn't want to break it. He missed such moments like this. It seemed like they were twenty again.

Finally Merlin managed to say something. "It's good to have the old Arthur back." He smiled joyfully at his friend. "I hope that you accepted my decision," he added more seriously. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"I don't like the idea of you marrying her," Arthur admitted. "And I don't really understand your reasons. I'm sure that we would think something up..."

"Arthur," Merlin warned him.

"I know!" the king sighed. "What I want to say is that if marrying that girl is something that you want, then I need to accept it."

"Thank you," Merlin said softly. His eyes were shining with joy. "You've no idea what it means to me."

The blonde smiled lightly, seeing Merlin's relieved and happy expression. "Nonetheless, don't make me like her," he said as quietly as he could. "She's stealing my best friend."

Something changed in Merlin's eyes and his smile. "Arthur," he almost whispered. "Is that what was troubling you?" he asked in disbelief. "I'll still be there for you, no matter what happens."

"I know," the king said. "We have destiny to fulfil. Albion is not going to wait forever."

"Yes. I still have one prat to protect," the warlock said more tenderly than it was proper.

"You know that you can't call me like this forever," Arthur said, swallowing hard.

"Who's going to stop me?" Merlin asked teasingly.

"Your king, warlock." Arthur smirked. "I'm not afraid of your clever tricks."

"I don't believe you," Merlin said, using his magic to push Arthur slightly. "You must be at least a little bit afraid of something that you can't control. That's the problem of all royal prats."

Arthur liked their teasing conversation but he didn't have much time for them. Instead of retorting, he cleared his throat and asked his friend seriously, "So you're no longer angry with me, right?"

Merlin hesitated. "I'm always slightly angry with you," he admitted.

"What?"

"One side of the coin annoys the second one all the time. That's the base of its existence." Seeing Arthur's confused face, Merlin winked. "Okay, I'm not angry with you but you're annoying anyway."

"So you are," the king replied. "Would you like to eat supper with me?" he asked.

The smile on Merlin's face fade away. "I'd love to but I have plans. I've promised Rowena's family to eat supper with them. I'm sorry." The warlock smiled at his friend sadly.

"Oh... Sure. They were first." Arthur didn't look content and felt slightly hurt. Merlin had never before refused to eat the meal with him. "I'll leave you now. You need to get prepared."

"Arthur," Merlin said softly when the king was already crossing the door.

"Yes?" The blonde turned around hopefully. For a short moment he thought that the warlock changed his mind.

"Tomorrow we would eat the dinner together," Merlin suggested.

As a well-trained king, Arthur masked his disappointment without a problem. "It's a good idea. Have fun tonight."

Even as oblivious person as Merlin felt that his words weren't absolutely honest.


	2. Dangerous thoughts

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 2**

„**Dangerous thoughts"**

Arthur was trying to wade through some papers but he couldn't focus on them at all. He was thinking about Merlin who was probably just eating supper with Rowena and her family. They were likely chatting now, creating the bond. Those thoughts were very frustrating. Arthur felt that there was something wrong in this marriage. It was just really hard to find out the truth when Merlin was behaving like this. It was so unlike Merlin to say that he believed in the romantic value of marriage and at the same time wanting to marry a woman that he had met a few times. The king was sure that his friend wasn't in love with her. There was no affection in his eyes when he was talking about her. There was no longing in his voice. Every time when Merlin was talking about values of true love there was something girlish about him. Arthur always thought that Merlin wanted to find the one person that he would spend a loving life with. It was a big disappointment to the king when he found out that Merlin's priorities changed. Arthur was sure that one day his friend would wake up in the morning and he would realise his great mistake. However then it would be too late. Arthur wasn't going to watch the slow destruction of his naïve friend. That's why he needed to stop this marriage. He was ready to make as many efforts as it was needed. One day Merlin would thank him.

Arthur didn't want to think about the selfish part of his plan. The truth was that he didn't really know the nature of Merlin's feelings for the noble girl. All things that he took for granted were just his suspicions and silent hopes. He didn't want to lose his friend; at least not for the noble woman that he didn't know and didn't trust. After marrying her, Merlin would have to change his all life. Arthur was a brave man but he was afraid of changes as everyone. His heart was aching at the thought of Merlin being taken away from his ridiculous chamber in the highest tower. He didn't want to think about Merlin living outside the castle. It would be too close to living out of his life.

The king lay down on his large bed, thinking intensively. He needed to create a detailed plan to get the old Merlin back. It needed to be well-thought-out and ready for the dinner.

oOoOo

"It's just the two of us?" Merlin asked, coming into the dining chamber.

"Yes," Arthur answered, smiling at his friend. "I didn't invite anyone else because we so rarely can eat in peace. Besides I want to talk with you about things that should not concern the others."

"I see," Merlin said, sitting in his chair next to Arthur. "You didn't even ask servants to attend you?" he asked after a while, raising his eyebrow.

"I know that you don't like servants to serve you," the king explained. That was true. Merlin remembered the times when he himself used to be a servant. He knew that he could take care of himself without someone's else help so he didn't have his personal servant.

"But you do," the warlock said a little bit teasingly.

"Yes. However I can get around without them."

"Pity that you didn't want to try it while I was serving you," Merlin told Arthur, making him roll his eyes.

"Can we start the meal?" Arthur suggested. "I don't like cold food."

Merlin nodded. He himself was very hungry and the food in front of him looked really delicious.

They started eating in silence. Arthur was watching his friend very carefully all the time. He liked the way Merlin's fingers lingered on the plate. Arthur was sure that he wasn't supposed to find it so interesting. It was weird but he couldn't help himself.

"Merlin?" He finally broke the silence.

"Yes?" The warlock raised his eyes and met his gaze.

"Did you enjoy the previous evening?" Arthur asked after a short while. It was the question that he had to ask, though he didn't really want to know the answer. It was the part of his plan.

Merlin straightened up slightly. "Yes, it was a lovely evening," he said smoothly. "Why are you asking?"

"I was just curious," Arthur lied. "Can you tell me what is she like? I think I should learn about her some things. After all she's going to be my friend's wife."

"Her heart is kind," Merlin said without hesitation. "She will make a good wife. I'm sure of that." The tone of his voice seemed to be a bit artificial. It sounded as if he had decided before how to answer such question.

"I should meet her." It was actually the last thing that he wanted but to achieve his goal he had to get to know his enemy. "Can you invite her for tomorrow's dinner?"

"Do you really think it is a good idea?" Merlin asked doubtfully, remembering Arthur's reaction for the news.

"I'll have to meet her sooner or later anyway," Arthur said quietly. "Unless you're not going to see me again after your wedding." He couldn't get rid of bitterness in his voice.

"Don't be silly." Merlin sighed. "If you really want to meet Rowena, then I'll ask her to come here tomorrow. But please... Be nice to her."

"Merlin, I know the manners and everything. Don't treat me like a churl."

The warlock gave him a small smile. "I don't treat you like that. I'm just worried about your prattishness. You just can't stop it sometimes." Merlin's voice was soft and tender. It made Arthur's heart twitch in his chest. He was afraid of his body's reactions. It was dangerous that Merlin had such impact on him.

"Arthur? Are you okay?" Merlin asked him.

The blonde looked at him with confused eyes. "I'm fine," he mumbled after a while.

"You don't look good," the warlock said worryingly. "You're quite pale. I think you should take some rest."

"That's not necessary."

Merlin got up from his chair and grabbed Arthur's shoulder. "I said that you need to rest," he said warningly. "I was Gaius' assistant for a long time. You should listen to me."

"I have my duties," Arthur said, not being able to stop thinking about Merlin's touch.

"Camelot will be fine. Your people need a healthy king and you are overworked. You really ought to forgot about your duties for the rest of the afternoon."

Merlin was so touchingly concerned that Arthur couldn't say no. He followed him obediently, feeling as if he was under some spell.

oOoOo

Merlin magically hid all Arthur's papers, saying that they would appear back in the morning. He wanted to make sure that the king would take some rest.

On the one hand, Arthur was a bit angry because he was the king and Merlin just couldn't hide important documents. However on the other hand he was touched by Merlin's concern. It was good to actually see that the warlock cared for him.

Nonetheless, Arthur was disappointed when Merlin got away as soon as he was sure that nothing would disturb his king. He said that he had to tell Rowena about the invitation for dinner. Arthur almost forgot about the whole thing. Hearing about her wasn't something that would help him rest. Arthur couldn't forget about his plan even for a short moment. Its prosperity was too crucial.

Arthur was lying, looking at the ceiling and thinking about the future. He was responsible for the kingdom. The lives of many people depended on his decisions and he wasn't even sure if they were right. He didn't even know what was happening to him now.

For the first time since "the war" ended, Arthur started thinking about his half-sister. Morgana, the old Morgana, would know what to do. Although they weren't fighting against each other, they couldn't forget about the mistakes that they had made in the past. Morgana hadn't even taken part in the last battle. Arthur knew that she'd wanted to stop it but Morgause was too stubborn. The stubbornness was the cause of her death. Arthur remembered very well Morgana's eyes when she signed the peace treaty and took her sister's dead body. She was more relieved than sad. She also wished him luck and promised him that she would never again try to destroy the peace of Camelot.

Arthur didn't know what the new Morgana was like. Neither was she the proud but deep inside frightened Lady Morgana who was secretly helping the poor and the sick, nor the bloodthirsty witch who craved for power and revenge. Arthur started regretting that he had never tried to get to know the new Morgana, the one who ended up the pointless war. He regretted that he had never thanked her.

Arthur didn't understand what was wrong with him. All important women in his life were leaving him sooner or later. It'd started the very first day of his life and continued. His mother died just after giving birth to him. His half-sister tried to kill him but eventually decided to disappear from his life. His first big love chose another man. The worst thing was that Arthur knew that he wouldn't understand it without woman's help. It was like a closed circle.

Moreover, the person that he trusted with his whole life, in some sense, was leaving him as well. Merlin didn't betray him in any way, but Arthur felt as if it was a true betrayal. However he didn't blame Merlin but the woman that his friend chose. Without meeting her Arthur was sure that Merlin deserved someone better. He just couldn't imagine "the better someone". Arthur would never admit it out loud but he didn't think that there was such woman in the world who would be good enough for Merlin. The warlock was just too good and too brave and too perfect.

Arthur decided to try to fall asleep the moment he thought about Merlin as perfect. He had a hard day and his thoughts took a dangerous direction.

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><p><strong>Now, please, tell me what you think. Do you like it or not? Just review!<br>**


	3. Heart's beating

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>I'm sorry for such a late update. It wasn't an easy time for me. I hope that I'll be able to update more frequently but I can't promise anything. Enjoy!<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 3**

**"****Heart's beating"**

When Arthur woke up the other day, he felt more confused than the previous evening. He wasn't, however, able to think about it throughout because his servant came into his chamber, bringing him his breakfast. The moment Arthur saw a tray of food, he realised that he hadn't eaten supper.

The king asked his servant to prepare his clothes and he himself started eating quickly.

"Leave me alone, Andrew," Arthur asked his servant. "Today I'll prepare myself on my own."

Andrew bowed respectfully and left his king's chamber without a single word. When Merlin used to be his servant such situation was simply impossible.

Arthur sighed silently. Everything was changing and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Sometimes the changes were good and necessary but sometimes they were ruining everything. Arthur felt that it was one of these latter moments.

Suddenly he noticed the pile of papers on his table. He smiled lightly. Merlin gave the documents back as he'd promised. They were just papers but for Arthur it meant something more. Merlin didn't forget about him. It was a good sign. It meant that he didn't lose his friend yet.

oOoOo

Arthur had a few things to do before the dinner. He watched his knights during their training. It was important to keep the bond between him and his men. Then he had to signed the documents that Merlin had taken away from him the previous day.

The king took a short bath before the dinner. He wanted to make a good impression. He wanted to prove something to Rowena but he wasn't exactly sure what it was.

When he went into the dining chamber, Merlin and Rowena were already waiting for him. They stood up and watched him very carefully. When the king came closer, Rowena bowed lightly. "Sire," she said quietly.

"You must be Rowena." Arthur watched her very carefully. She had long, auburn hair and hazel eyes. Besides she was quite petite. Rowena was also younger than Merlin and there was something unnaturally innocent about her. Arthur couldn't help thinking that it was suspicious.

"Yes, my lord," the woman confirmed.

"Who is your father?" Arthur asked her.

"Sir Cedric," she answered smoothly.

The king nodded. He knew Sir Cedric, though he was no longer serving the kingdom as a knight. He had been seriously injured during the war with Morgause. He survived but was no longer capable of fighting. "Is he feeling well, my lady?"

"Yes, though he misses the battle field."

"Arthur," Merlin spoke up. "You should stop investigating Rowena."

"If I made you feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry," Arthur told her.

"You didn't, Sire," Rowena assured him quickly.

"All right then." Arthur's gaze lingered on Merlin for a while and then he cleared his throat. "I think we can sit down and start the meal."

This time there were two servants who were attending to their dinner. Merlin didn't comment it, though Arthur saw that he wanted to. Rowena made Merlin behave more properly and it in some way started to annoy Arthur. He liked his friend the way he was, even with his all silly remarks. Any woman all over the world had right to change him.

"Lady Rowena," Arthur said politely. "Merlin didn't want to tell me about you much. You are almost his mystery."

The woman chuckled, though Arthur's tone of voice suggested something not completely positive.

"I just wanted you to meet her and see on your own eyes how wonderful she is," Merlin explained, smiling at Rowena.

"Merlin," the woman said, blushing. "You shouldn't have."

They ate in silence for a minute. Arthur was wondering what was best to say next. "I don't even know how you two met," he said eventually. "I'm sorry for my words but you'd rather not an often castle guest."

"You're right, my lord," she confirmed his words. "I never liked all those formal gatherings. I know that a lady shouldn't say that but I always preferred spending my time outdoors. Me and my father had a lovely trip until he fell off his horse. I was so terrified and didn't know what to do. Luckily Merlin was in the nearby and he helped us. That's how I met Merlin."

"Merlin never mentioned it," Arthur admitted, glancing at his friend.

The sorcerer flushed slightly. "I never thought you would be interested in this story. I really didn't do much."

"You're modest, my dear," Rowena told him. "Without you I wouldn't know what to do. My father was unconscious until Merlin came and cast a spell. I didn't even know who you were." She sighed, finally looking at the king. "Luckily my father recognised him."

Arthur felt a bit nervous. Their relationship appeared to be deeper than he'd expected.

"It's difficult to mistake Merlin for somebody else," the king said after a while. "He's one of a kind."

"That's true." Rowena smiled at Merlin lovingly. "My fiancé is special."

Arthur choked hearing her words."What do you mean by _fiancé_?" he asked.

Merlin blushed deeply but Rowena didn't seem to notice it. "I mean fiancé... Merlin proposed to me yesterday and I said yes. I thought you knew, my lord."

The king looked at his friend in disbelief. "No, I didn't," he said. "He should have told me..."

"I didn't want to bother you when you didn't feel well," Merlin tried to explain. "I wanted to tell you after the dinner." His voice was pleading for forgiveness but Arthur was too hurt to give him what he wanted.

"It doesn't matter," the king said coolly but Merlin saw that there was something wrong with his friend. "That's your affair."

He stood up and glanced at Rowena. "I'm sorry my lady but I lost my appetite," he said and nodded at her lightly. Then he left the dining chamber.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," the woman said weakly. "I really thought he knew..."

"I know." Merlin sighed. "That's my fault. I should have told you."

"What now?" she asked. "Is he going to be angry with you for a long time? Will he sack you?"

"No," Merlin assured her. "That's Arthur. His pride suffered a bit but the prat will be fine soon."

"You shouldn't call him this way." Rowena said worryingly. "He's your king."

"I always called him names," the warlock told her. "That's never going to change."

"You are the Court Magician and the Royal Advisor. You should show him more respect. Thanks to his law you can use magic and be who you really are."

Merlin looked at her sadly. "Arthur knows that I respect him and that I won't lick his boots."

"Perhaps you should try it from time to time. You have a big influence on the king but you would have a far greater one." Rowena sighed. "Just imagine it!"

"I don't want to," Merlin told her a little bit harshly. "Besides my influence on Arthur is not as big as you think. He never wants to listen."

Rowena felt that she took one step too far. "He likes you but you're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I'm glad you think so," Merlin said with relief.

oOoOo

Arthur didn't want anybody to see him. He locked the door of his chamber and found the way to his bed. It was large and cold and it reminded him of his loneliness. Almost for certain he lost Merlin. The warlock hid the truth from him. The pain that Arthur felt was as strong as the one that he felt when he had found out about Merlin's magic. Nonetheless, the pain felt different. The situation was different.

When Merlin revealed his magic, Arthur was the one to decide about his fate. Although he'd felt hurt and deceived, he'd known that he couldn't kill Merlin. Now the king had barely anything to say. He wasn't in power to forbid Merlin to marry Rowena. Such order or a threat would be unfair. Arthur wanted to keep Merlin close but not this way. He wanted Merlin to chose him over Rowena.

The king was afraid of his own feelings and of the truth that they hid but he needed to face them all. He had never felt this way about anybody, not even Gwen. Merlin was part of everything that Arthur had and did. The warlock was the heart of his heart.

Arthur wondered if it was destiny. He wanted to blame his fate and the Great Dragon and everything else. He wanted to believe that he didn't want Merlin to be with a woman because they were two sides of a bloody coin. Merlin was supposed to help him, not to start a family and forget about the great future that they were going to create. It all was, however, hopeless because deep inside he knew that he was jealous. He wanted Merlin for Merlin, not for the sake of some destiny. Arthur craved his friend's love.

The king was trembling, realising those things. He heard about such relationships but they were rare and always kept a secret. Kings were supposed to marry princesses who were able to give him a male heir. Besides he couldn't make Merlin love him.

"Destiny is a cruel thing," Arthur whispered to himself, fisting his hands.

He needed warmth, safety and love. He was a king but he was still a weak human being.

oOoOo

The vision of Merlin and Rowena haunted him in his dreams. It was horrible. He couldn't have the rest that he needed so much. It was only about him. He was responsible for the Camelot and her people. He needed to be strong to rule his land. In his life there was no place for days spent behind closed door. Nonetheless, these days he was escaping his duties more often than it was proper.

When Arthur woke up in the morning, he knew that he had to finally face his royal duties. He couldn't avoid people because they needed him and he needed them too.

Arthur took part in the council, trying to be as professional as he could. Merlin's presence didn't help him but since he was a boy, he was taught to put on his poker face.

After the council Merlin followed Arthur silently. The king felt that his friend wanted to talk with him and it was scaring him quite much.

"Arthur," the warlock said pleadingly when they went into an empty corridor.

The blonde sighed inwardly. "Yes, Merlin?" he asked, keeping on walking.

"Can we talk? I know you are angry with me but you just can't ignore me. Listen..." Merlin caught his arm and Arthur's heart quickened. His friend's touch was strong but sweet. Arthur didn't want this warmth to ever end.

"I'm not angry with you," the king denied after a while. "I just wish you were the one to tell me that you are already engaged."

"You knew I was going to marry her," Merlin said quietly.

"Yes. However engagement is a different thing. I deserved to know sooner." Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes.

"I know," the sorcerer said weakly. "I'm sorry. I promise that I will never again hide such thing from you."

"You made such promise after your secret was revealed," Arthur mumbled accusingly.

Merlin sighed. "That's true. But I didn't mean to lie to you." He looked so miserable that Arthur couldn't stand it.

"I believe you," the king said.

"Really?" Merlin asked hopefully.

"Yes." Arthur smiled at him. "What would you say if I asked you for a horse ride, tomorrow? Just the two of us..."

"I'd say that I can't wait for it," he said, grinning.

"Great... I think that I have nothing important to do in the afternoon."

"Me too." Merlin blinked a few times. "So... we're agreed, right?"

"Yes, we are." Arthur straightened up and smiled wider. "Unfortunately, I have things to do now."

"I understand," Merlin assured him, taking a step back. "I have my own duties as well. I need to help young wizards. Actually I'm already late..."

"I'd be surprised if you weren't late," Arthur told him.

"I'm not that bad," Merlin assured his friend. "Besides now it's your fault. Goodbye..." The warlock walked away in a rush.

Arthur sighed silently. He was supposed to avoid Merlin because of his feelings. Nonetheless the very same feelings made him ask the sorcerer for a horse ride. He wanted to keep him close to himself and as far away from Rowena as it was possible. His heart spoke louder than the reason and for the first time in his life he had no intention to get rid of his weakness.

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><p><strong>As always, please, review! :)<strong>


	4. Raven

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>I'm not sure when I'll be able to update the next chapter, I've got lots of work to do, <strong>**but now just enjoy it!**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 4**

„**Raven"**

Arthur was desperate. He was ashamed of being so weak but temptation was too strong. Last few days were very difficult for his heart and he knew that his kingdom suffered. Although it was a lame excuse, Arthur asked Raven to come to his chambers. She was his royal bed-warmer but she served him just a few times. The last time was just after Gwen's marriage.

Raven had a good heart and was quite shy. Her occupation wasn't honourable but she didn't have a choice. She was alone in the world and without the job she would starve to death. A few nights in royal bed were a low price for her own room, food and some money for tiny expenses. Besides the king was a good man. Raven could see him in a very intimate situations and she saw all those feelings and confusions that he hid every day.

"My lord," she said timidly.

He looked at her, smiling sadly. "Thank you for coming, Raven. I need it..."

"I know," the girl answered. "Is it going to be as always?" she asked shyly.

"Yes, of course," the king assured her. "I wouldn't let myself... no... that would be wrong... so wrong..."

"But that's my job, my lord," she whispered. "Taking it, I was aware of the consequences."

"I want the routine, Raven," the king said quite firmly.

The girl nodded and sat on the royal bed. She took off her shoes and waited for the king to take off his clothes. When he was ready, she touched his cock tenderly and started stroking it. The pace was slow but satisfying. Arthur closed his eyes and started imaging all those things that his heart desired.

Raven watched his face, full of pain and sorrow. He was a beautiful but miserable man. She could see that he wanted something that he couldn't have and it was killing him. There were such things that even king couldn't afford. It was a terrifying conclusion.

Arthur started gasping and mumbling. He was close. At first, Raven didn't recognise the word that the king was repeating. However after a while he got louder and louder.

"Merlin... Merlin..." he kept on saying, not caring about the presence of someone else.

Raven closed her eyes, stroking him faster. It was clear now. Merlin was someone that Arthur longed for but couldn't really have. The king had never been so desperate. He had never said Gwen's name and the way he was calling his friend's name now was pitiful.

Arthur came soon, crying his heart out. Raven wished Merlin could hear that.

She got up and was about to leave the chamber in silence but the king stopped her.

"Stay with me," he asked pleadingly. "The bed is large... I don't want to be alone tonight."

Raven sighed inwardly and came back to the royal bed. It was all what she could do for him.

"Thank you."

oOoOo

Merlin was very excited. He couldn't wait for his and Arthur's trip. That was why he was heading to king's chamber in the early morning. The warlock was going to have breakfast with his friend and find out the destination of their trip, if any existed.

It was going to be a wonderful day. At least Merlin thought so until he saw a dark haired girl leaving Arthur's bedroom. The woman wasn't a servant. Merlin knew all of them. Nonetheless he had seen her before.

The girl looked at him and flushed lightly. Then she turned around and receded.

"Who is she?" Merlin asked Gail, the maid, who was collecting clothes for laudry.

The servant girl glanced at the other woman. "It's Raven," she answered. "She's living in the castle and she's... well... she's royal bed-warmer."

"Arthur's? Arthur has..." Merlin couldn't finish the sentence.

"Yes. Every unmarried king has one." Gail blushed. "You know... King has his needs."

"Thank you, Gail" Merlin said quietly and the girl walked away.

He couldn't believe in what he'd just heard. He thought that he knew Arthur very well but the truth was painful. The king was supposed to be a honourable man and such woman didn't fit him.

Merlin sighed inwardly and came back to his own chamber. He couldn't face Arthur right after such revelation. It was just too hard to pretend that he didn't see anything and that everything was perfectly fine when it wasn't.

Neither the scent of his books of magic, nor the entertaining spells gave him the comfort that he needed so much. Merlin couldn't even go to his fiancée and tell her. The situation was too complicated. She was a smart woman but she wouldn't understand his problem. It was a thing that he couldn't share with anyone.

"Damn you, Arthur," Merlin mumbled, wishing that he had never found out the truth about royal needs and whims.

Nonetheless, he needed to get over the revelation because he was having a trip with the king in a few hours. He didn't want Arthur to think that there was something wrong. Such suspicion always led to questions and Merlin couldn't answer them and he wanted to avoid lies as well. Arthur, having his royal bed-warmer or not, didn't deserve them.

oOoOo

"It's such a lovely day for a trip," Arthur said cheerfully when they left the castle behind their backs. "It's perfect!"

"Indeed," Merlin replied shortly, looking ahead and avoiding Arthur's sight.

"You're quiet today," the blonde said, watching his friend very carefully. "I thought you were excited about the trip."

"I am," the warlock assured him. "I was just trying to take delight in the nature when you disturbed me."

"Merlin... I know that sometimes you have a problem with doing two things at the same time but talking with me and gazing around shouldn't be so hard." Arthur smiled teasingly.

"And who said that I want to do both?" Merlin asked, grinning widely.

"Don't you find conversation with your king interesting, Merlin? That's a shame!" The blonde joked.

"I'm sorry, _my lord_," the sorcerer teased. "I won't make the same mistake again."

"I hope so." Arthur sighed inwardly because there was something wrong with Merlin and he couldn't push him by asking questions. He needed to make the warlock feel comfortable. "Let's have a small race," the king suggested.

"If you want to show off, you should know that I won't let you," Merlin told him. "I'm better at riding than you think."

Arthur didn't answer quickly because his mind interpreted Merlin and riding in a very inappropriate way. It was crazy but the king wasn't strong enough to resist.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked worryingly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," the king answered, clearing his throat. "If you really are as good as you say than the race shouldn't be a problem to you," he said firmly.

"It's not a problem," the warlock assured him. "Let's race to that mountain." Merlin looked ahead them.

"It's quite far," Arthur told him.

"Are you afraid, _Sire_?" Merlin teased.

"I was worried about your abilities," the king replied.

"Then you have nothing to be concerned about." The sorcerer smiled lightly. "Let's start!" he screamed and galloped away before Arthur could blink.

oOoOo

It was a wonderful feeling to gallop this way. Arthur quickly gained ground on Merlin but it was not the point of the whole thing. The king didn't remember the last time when they both laughed in such a cheerful and carefree way. It was priceless.

Suddenly Merlin started stopping his horse. Confused Arthur followed his friend and after a moment they remained static.

"What's going on?" the blonde asked. "It's not the place of our destination."

"I know..." Merlin whispered. "But just gaze around... Isn't it the most perfect place all over the world?" he asked quite weakly.

Arthur looked around and he had to admit that the place was stunning indeed. Everything seemed to be a little bit different and a little bit better than elsewhere.

"Where are we?" Merlin asked his king. "I'm sure I've never been here."

"You haven't," Arthur admitted. "It's a piece of the land that my father had given as a gift to one of the lords. I don't really remember what was the reason. I was too young..."

"We shouldn't be here, then," the warlock said, sighing sadly.

"The place belongs to someone else but it doesn't mean we need to ride away quickly. Everybody has a right to travel," Arthur assured him. "Besides we don't do anything wrong."

"Does it really work that way?" the sorcerer asked doubtfully.

"Yes, it does," Arthur said firmly. "I'm still the king."

"I sometimes think that you overuse your title," Merlin muttered a little bit teasingly.

"You should be glad right now," the king said, sliding off his horse. "Let's take a walk."

Merlin hesitated for a few seconds but then followed his friend. He didn't really have a choice. He was ready to follow Arthur everywhere.

"It's good to just walk around and don't think about everything left back in Camelot," Merlin admitted after a while of comfortable silence. "I love the castle and people who live there but I sometimes miss the peace and quiet. I miss the country life..."

"I believe your fiancée prefers those things too," Arthur said smoothly, masking his sorrow.

"That's true," Merlin said quietly. "But it's not the same. She doesn't understand it the same way I do."

"No one does," Arthur whispered. "That's the way you are."

The warlock smiled timidly. "Thank you," he muttered. "I never expected you would say such thing."

"Why?" the king asked curiously.

Merlin shrugged. "I don't really know. It's quite complicated... I don't even understand the reason. It's just the way it is."

"You're not alone in this world, Merlin," Arthur reminded him. "There are plenty of people who like you despite your overwhelming clumsiness."

"I would say the same thing about your being a prat," Merlin teased. "You sometimes still behave like one." The warlock sighed inwardly. He thought about Arthur's royal bed-warmer which made him sad.

"I know that my attitude towards Rowena is not best but I try really hard not to be a prat," Arthur assured him. "Really." He had no idea that Merlin meant something different.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, wondering what the other was thinking about.

Merlin knew that Arthur didn't want him to marry Rowena and he felt that the trip was probably one of the ways to convince him. Arthur didn't understand that Merlin was doing it all for the kingdom and him.

"I'm glad that you're here, Merlin," Arthur muttered suddenly, making the warlock shiver a little bit. "You're a good friend. Perhaps my only one friend..."

"What about the knights?" Merlin asked in slightly trembling voice. "They're your friends too."

"They're my knights and they protect Camelot." Arthur sighed. "They also respect me but it's not the same... You're the one who's always made me want to do things better." His fingertips brushed against Merlin's arm.

The warlock blushed lightly. He knew that deep inside Arthur considered him very important but considering and admitting were two different things. Arthur's words were wonderful but they also made Merlin feel insecure.

"You want to do things better because you're a good man," the warlock dared say. "And you care for your people."

"You have a good influence on me," Arthur said quickly.

"You shouldn't say so," Merlin told him. "Don't do it ever again," he begged him.

"But why?" the king asked. "It's true."

"Someone may hear you and it's dangerous. You're the king and you can't be pliant." Merlin was almost whispering. He was quite desperate.

"I should listen to other people and consider their opinions. You told me that plenty of times..." Arthur said a little bit accusingly.

"Yes," Merlin confirmed. "But you can't just listen to me and me only."

"I don't! I have other advisers and..." However Arthur couldn't finish his sentence because an arrow hit him and he collapsed to the ground unconsciously.

"Arthur!" Merlin cried and knelt in front of his king.

"He'll be fine." The warlock heard a familiar female voice. He lifted his head up and saw Morgana's tired face. "Don't worry, the arrow wasn't meant to hurt him."

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><p><strong>Please, review :)<strong>


	5. Different levels of pain

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 5**

"**Different levels of pain"**

Merlin stood up slowly, not turning his gaze away from her. She was tired but still beautiful. "Morgana," the warlock said as quietly as he could.

"Hello, Merlin," she said in a slightly melancholic way.

"What did you do to Arthur?" he asked firmly, glancing at his friend for the first time since she'd come.

"My brother is just sleeping," the witch assured him. "I don't mean any harm. I only wished to talk to you in private. It was the only way."

Merlin frowned. "You wanted to talk?" he asked. "Why? I don't think we've got something to talk about."

"You're wrong." Morgana came closer to the warlock. "There is something very important that you need to know before you make a mistake."

Merlin shook his head in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I know that you're going to marry some noble lady. However you shouldn't do that," Morgana said smoothly.

"Why should I listen to you?" Merlin asked proudly. "You know nothing. You yourself made so many mistakes in your life that you shouldn't give advice to others."

"I'm gifted, Merlin. You can't deny that." The woman sighed soundly. "You have right to be angry with me and not to trust me but I have my visions and they don't lie."

"You abandoned your visions the moment you put the bracelet from Morgause on," Merlin replied.

"I don't use it any more," she said, showing him her wrists. "That's a punish that I've given myself. I can't escape from all those horrible things that I see at night in my sleep. The world needs my visions. They may be frightening but I've found out that they're useful."

"What did you do with the bracelet?" Merlin asked her a little bit curiously.

"I didn't want to destroy it because it belonged to my mother. However I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to fight the temptation of putting it on again. That's why I want you to take it away from me." Morgana gave him the bracelet that once belonged to her mother.

Merlin glanced at the piece of jewellery which looked normal but he felt the magic that was running through it. Then he looked at Morgana and thought about his own mother. The bracelet was priceless to her but she was willing to get rid of it anyway.

The sorcerer closed his eyes and murmured a short incantation. "Take it back," he said to Morgana.

"But..." The woman was truly surprised and confused.

"I set the magic of the bracelet free. Now it's just a normal bracelet. You can put it on your wrist," he explained quietly.

Morgana smiled at him. "Thank you," she whispered. "It means so much to me."

"I know," Merlin answered, smiling faintly. It was good to see the old Morgana and her smile.

However after a short moment, it faded away. "I'm grateful for the bracelet but I've come here to warn you," she said. "I feel an obligation to tell you that marrying that woman is the worst of the given possibilities."

"Morgana," Merlin moaned. "I don't want to have this conversation with you. Why does everybody think that he knows better?" he asked slightly helplessly.

"You mean Arthur _does_?" She glanced at her half-brother and Merlin followed her gaze. He almost forgot that Arthur was lying unconsciously right next to them. "It's been obvious all along, hasn't it?"

"I don't really know what you're insinuating, Morgana, and I'm not sure if I want to find out." Nonetheless he sighed inwardly. It was true that Arthur didn't like the idea of Merlin's marriage and it saddened the warlock so much.

"You're so stubborn sometimes." The woman shook her head in disapproval. "All what I ask you to do is to listen to me carefully. If you don't want to follow my advice, you won't do it anyway."

Merlin didn't risk anything. Moreover, Morgana would leave him at peace right after her statement. "Fine," the sorcerer murmured shortly.

"Thank you." Morgana smiled at him once again. "You won't regret."

"Just go straight to the point," Merlin told her rather harshly.

The witch nodded, agreeing instantly. "I saw two ways... two possibilities of the future," she said quietly.

"There are plenty of possibilities," the warlock told her.

"That's true," she agreed. "However those two are the most intense and they depend on your decision. I saw what will happen to Camelot in a few years time. I saw Arthur..." Her voice cracked a little bit.

"What's about Arthur?" Merlin asked worryingly. "Just tell me!" It sounded almost like an order and Morgana didn't dare to postpone it.

"I saw Camelot ruled by a fair and just king. I saw happy people and happy families... it was a Golden Age of Camelot."

"I assume that I don't have a wife in this possibility," Merlin interrupted her.

"You assume correctly," Morgana confirmed. "However the frightening vision of Camelot always haunts me just after the first one. In this Camelot you are married to her and you try to do your best to help the shattered Arthur but it's already too late." She looked at Merlin very intensively, noticing every change in his facial features.

"What do you mean by _shattered_?" he asked after a long silence.

"He... well... I don't know what happened before but he looked like a broken and tired man who wasn't able to rule at all. The Camelot was literally ruined. The Albion was never born."

"What does it have to do with my marriage?" asked Merlin. "I... it doesn't make any sense."

"Well... it does to me," Morgana said. She glanced once again at the unconscious Arthur and said, "if you don't want to see him shattered, you know what you should, or rather shouldn't do."

"That's a blackmail and threat," he said. "I won't let some visions decide my life for me and I won't allow Arthur to ruin the idea of Albion!"

"That's impossible... You can't marry her and keep Arthur in a good state. My vision was clear... one thing excludes the other one." Morgana was looking at him sadly. He didn't really understand that it was deadly serious.

"I'll try," the warlock told her.

"Are ready to take such risk?" she asked in disbelief. It was so much not like Merlin. He was meant to protect Arthur no matter what and he always cared for him deeper than he let himself show.

Merlin swallowed hard and tensed a little bit.

"Are you?" Morgana asked once again.

"Arthur will be fine," the warlock said. "I'll do everything to keep him safe and my marriage won't change anything in that matter."

Morgana shook her head with disapproval and sadness. Merlin was a clever man but he certainly didn't understand some essential things about people and their feelings. "You don't get it, do you?" she asked bitterly. "Why are you so obstinate? Is it really such a great sacrifice? You've been sacrificing much more for Arthur and now you don't want to do it."

"What I'm about to do is a sacrifice but I don't expect you to understand," Merlin answered silently, looking Morgana in the eye. "I will never abandon my destiny, no matter what."

The woman sighed inwardly. She wasn't able to change his mind. If anybody was able to do it, then it was Arthur himself. It pained her so much that Merlin was doing everything to ruin the future that was within their reach. In the past Morgana had made so many mistakes, but her dream of a peaceful land ruled by a good and just king was always hidden deep inside her.

"I know," Morgana said quite softly. After all, Merlin wanted to do a good thing but he got lost among the way. "I just want you to promise me that you'll think it through one more time," she asked him.

"Morgana..."

"Promise me." Her voice was so demanding and her glance was so intense that Merlin couldn't say no.

"You have my word," he said eventually.

"Thank you." Then she came up to the unconscious Arthur, grabbed the bow and pulled it out. Surprisingly, king's skin seemed untouched. "He'll wake up soon," she said to Merlin and then straightened up. "I think it's time for me to go."

"Should I tell Arthur that I met you?" Merlin asked her.

Morgana glanced at him. "That's your decision. You can tell him whatever you wish." Then she walked away gracefully.

Merlin sat down next to his sleeping friend. He watched him very carefully, wondering if it was good to tell him about the incident or not. Eventually Merlin decided that Arthur didn't need to know everything. As a king he had plenty more problems to deal with.

After half an hour Arthur flinched and Merlin moved away immediately, realising their closeness. It was one of those times when he forgot that some things weren't meant to be.

Arthur groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "My head," he whined.

"I'm sure it's not so bad," Merlin said quietly.

The king looked up at his friend, realising that he was lying on the ground. "What happened?" he asked, slowly sitting up.

"You lost consciousness," the warlock explained.

"But..." Arthur looked around. "What? I did not!"

"Yes, you did," Merlin said firmly. "You must be exhausted and overworked. It happens sometimes," he assured him softly.

Arthur flushed slightly. His whole plan went wrong. It was a shame to faint in front of Merlin when he was trying to prove something to him.

"Shouldn't we continue our trip?" Arthur asked, trying to forget about his embarrassment.

"Well... we don't have to. We can stay here for a while and then come back," the warlock suggested.

"What about the fact that this piece of land belongs to somebody else?" the king asked.

Merlin shrugged lightly. "As long as he doesn't know, it's fine," he said, sitting down next to his friend.

They were sitting side by side, enjoying each other's company and talking about some silly things. Arthur didn't want to ruin the atmosphere so he didn't bring up the subject of Merlin's marriage or their last conversation.

It was painful to leave the place. Arthur postponed the moment but they had to come back to the castle anyway. The sun was already going under when they climbed on their horses. They reached the castle after the nightfall and everybody was already worried about king's absence. However Arthur didn't care about it. All his thoughts were with Merlin.

oOoOo

Merlin climbed on his bed with relief. He was happy that the day was about to end. It was a very long and very surprising day. He couldn't believe that it all happened in such a short amount of time. Finding out about Raven and the conversation that he had with Morgana saddened him but the afternoon that he spent with Arthur couldn't be more beautiful and magical. He couldn't help thinking that it was probably one of the last such amazing moments that they both shared. Merlin was going never to forget it and worship it till the very end.

At the same time Arthur was also thinking about their trip. He didn't want to lose Merlin for anybody but it was just a silly dream that was never going to be fulfilled. Merlin had a fiancée and he himself had to marry a princess. His people expected it and it was just a matter of time before they would try to push him.

Arthur was ready to keep his real feelings a secret until his death. It would be so much better to tell Merlin the truth but the king wouldn't stand the humiliation of rejection and probably losing his friend.

Merlin sought his blessing and Arthur was strong enough to give it to him. It would make Merlin happy and that was something that the king wanted the most.

Arthur closed his eyes tightly, trying to fight off the sudden pain.

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed! Please, review!<strong>


	6. Selflessness

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 6**

"**Selflessness"**

Merlin couldn't stop thinking about Morgana's words. He went for a walk with Rowena and watched her carefully, wondering what was wrong with her. He couldn't understand how such woman like her could change the fate of whole Camelot. It didn't make any sense.

Nonetheless, Merlin didn't feel comfortable. There was something very wrong and confusing about the vision, his marriage and future of Albion.

"You look concerned, Merlin," Rowena said softly. "Has something happened?"

The warlock made himself smile at his fiancée. "That's nothing, my dear," he assured her.

"If it was nothing than you wouldn't behave this way," she pointed out. "You can tell me everything. After all, I'm going to be your wife soon."

"I know," Merlin agreed. "It's about Arthur but it's nothing serious," he assured her quickly.

"You are always so worried about our king," Rowena said. "You seem to be good friends."

"Yes, we are." Merlin sighed inwardly. He didn't know what to say to make Rowena drop the subject. Talking about Arthur wasn't a good idea. His fiancée often asked him confusing questions about his influence on the king and their friendship. Such conversations were simply awkward.

"Did something happen during your trip yesterday?" Rowena asked suddenly. "You hardly mentioned it and you're usually such a chatterbox."

"Nothing happened then," Merlin lied. "It was just a pleasant trip."

"Didn't he try to convince you to do something?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" The sorcerer frowned lightly.

"You know... he doesn't seem to like the idea of you marrying me," she said. "It's quite obvious. I think he's a bit possessive."

"Perhaps," Merlin admitted after a while. "However he didn't try to change my mind. I think that he accepted the fact that I'm going to marry you."

"You need to stay close to him after our marriage," Rowena said firmly. "I mean... I don't want him to think that I stole you from him," she added gentler.

"It's my responsibility to help him. I need to keep an eye on what he's doing." Merlin had so many more arguments for staying by Arthur's side but his future wife wasn't supposed to hear them.

"That's good," she said smiling. "I'm going to support your friendship. I won't be one of those possessive wives," she told him.

Merlin looked away from Rowena. Her words were kind but he couldn't help thinking that there was something hidden in her tone. He didn't wish to ever find out what this _something _was.

oOoOo

"You wanted to talk to me**,**" Merlin said, entering Arthur's chamber. As usual, he didn't even bother to knock.

The king glanced at him and pointed at an armchair, encouraging his friend to take a seat.

"Is something wrong?" the warlock asked worryingly, sitting down. "I had to end the lesson with young wizards and witches earlier. I thought that something bad happened."

"I didn't want to interrupt you. Sorry... It could wait." Arthur smiled sadly. "I just wanted to ask you about your marriage."

"What about my marriage?" Merlin was afraid that Arthur was going to try to change his mind once again. He didn't want to go through this one more time. It was too painful.

"I just want to know the date," the king said.

"Oh..." Merlin sought Arthur's acceptance but he didn't suppose that it would come to him so easily. The warlock didn't want to admit it even to himself but he felt slightly disappointed. "We want it to happen in two weeks if it's not a problem. Rowena insists... But we don't seek any great celebration."

"That's not a problem," Arthur assured him. "And it's going to be a great celebration! My best friend is getting married!"

That was strange and Merlin didn't even tried to hide his surprise.

"I'll give the orders and everything will be ready on time," the king said.

"I'm speechless," the sorcerer admitted.

"And that's something new," Arthur replied.

"I'm not sure if I deserve your efforts," Merlin said shyly.

"Of course you do! You're the Court Sorcerer and people want to celebrate your happiness with you." The king hesitated for a short moment. "Well... I think that you should go to your fiancée and share the news with her," he suggested.

"Right." Merlin stood up. "Thank you Arthur."

"Pleasure."

Merlin rushed out of the chamber. He didn't understand why he felt the pain deep inside his heart. Arthur just gave him an evidence of his acceptance and he ought to be over the moon. The problem was that he was far from that. He realised that deep inside he wanted Arthur to object.

Arthur hated himself for what he had said. He did something totally against his own feelings. All what his heart desired was to stop Merlin's marriage and he just gave Merlin his blessing and propose aid. It was honourable and selfless but Arthur felt horrible. He wanted Merlin to be happy but deep inside he feared that Rowena wasn't the right person.

Arthur comforted himself with the thought that at least he would always be there for Merlin and he would always support him. No matter what.

oOoOo

It was official. Every citizen of Camelot knew that their Court Sorcerer was going to marry lady Rowena in less than two weeks. The whole castle was preparing for the event very carefully, just like the king wanted it to be.

Merlin felt slightly lost in the middle of it all. It was going to be his wedding but he didn't feel a part of the events. However he didn't dare to admit it to anyone. It wouldn't be appropriate. Besides he couldn't reveal his true doubts. There was no one who would understand the issue and keep it a secret.

"You don't look happy, Sir," some female voice spoke to him. Merlin, who was watching the town through the window, turned his gaze away and looked at the person who just broke the silence. He recognised her immediately. It was Raven, Arthur's royal bed-warmer.

Merlin almost forgot about her. However seeing her made the bad feelings come back. "I'm not _Sir_," Merlin said shortly.

"Nevertheless you seem sad." The girl didn't give up. "You're about to marry a beautiful lady. Shouldn't you strut around in pride?" she asked.

"I'm not a person who parades his happiness," Merlin said.

"That's because you're not happy at all," Raven summed it up.

The warlock looked at her in disbelief. "I beg your pardon?"

"I know you don't like me," she said shyly. "I know that you hate what I do but that's my job and I'm not ashamed of it. My fate would be far worse." She sighed. "However it's not about me but you. You're a miserable man and you're doing everything to extend your sorrow."

"You know nothing," Merlin said but he knew very well that Raven was right. However it was a part of self-sacrifice. He was doing it for Arthur and Albion.

"I'm just a royal bed-warmer but I know more than I wish to. There are things that can only be said in particular moments of night," she said courageously.

"Don't!" Merlin didn't want to listen. It was too painful to think that she could see and hear Arthur in such intimate moments. "For me Arthur is an honourable man," he said. "There are details that I shall never hear."

"He's indeed an honourable man," Rowena agreed. "I know that... he never made me do anything..."

"Spare me the details!" Merlin barked angrily. He tried to walk away but the girl followed him immediately.

"Please, listen to me," she begged him. "You need to know."

"That's sick," he muttered. "You're sick!"

"He never touched me!" Rowena yelled, making Merlin stop.

"What?" Merlin blinked a few times.

"He never touched me. I'm still a virgin." This time she whispered. However her whisper was stronger than everything what she said before.

"You're Arthur's bed-warmer," Merlin said weakly. "Isn't it your job to...?"

"I'm not an ordinary bed-warmer," she explained. "And Arthur is not an ordinary king."

"True," Merlin agreed. However there was still something strange about it. "Then why did I see you leaving his chamber in the morning?" he asked.

"Because he needed comfort and he needed it because of you," Rowena told him.

"Comfort? What kind of comfort?" He needed the answers and he needed them there and then.

"The king needed someone's touch, so I was touching him," she said more timidly. "However he never touched me."

Her confession was confusing but it gave Merlin some relief. Rowena's occupation was still ambiguous but he believed her.

"You said that he needed comfort because of me," Merlin said after a short hesitation. "Why?"

"Deep inside you know why," the girl told him. "I'm not going to give you a straight answer because all you need to do is to think about it."

"I insist," Merlin said firmly.

"I'll resist," she said, looking him in the eye. "I hope you'll make a right decision."

Then she walked away, leaving bewildered warlock behind.

oOoOo

Arthur was quite proud of himself. He usually tried to do things the way he liked them. Nonetheless, for Merlin he was able to do something against himself. There were short moments when it felt as if he observed the life of someone else. However then the pain came back and he knew that it was his pain and his very own loneliness.

Focusing on the ruling seemed to be the only way to forget. Arthur started studying more papers and it helped a lot. However when there was no more things to read and sign before the sleep, he went to bed and all sorrow filled his heart again.

There was no coming back. The things changed and they would never be the same in the future. Arthur was glad for Merlin's friendship and loyalty but being a husband would change everything between them. There would be no more staying up late and discussing more or less important things. As a husband Merlin would have an obligation to come back home earlier. Especially after becoming a father.

The idea of Merlin having children was disturbing and saddening. Arthur knew that the warlock would be a wonderful father but it would tear them apart even more. Besides, Arthur didn't want to think about the moment of conceiving. The image of Merlin and _the_ woman (he decided to call her that way) in such an intimate act was for Arthur terrifying. It was obvious that as a married couple they would have sex (he refused to call it making love) but as long as he could, he preferred to pretend that they wouldn't.

Every night he had many strange dreams. Some of them were a blur while the others seemed to be real. There was only one connection between them and it was Merlin.

Sometimes Arthur's dreams were very pleasant. Sometimes they were depressing. However even those good, slightly erotic dreams seemed bitter after waking up. The king was fully aware that they would never come true and that they were the most intimate thing that he could ever "share" with Merlin.

Despite his desires and needs, Arthur didn't ask Raven for help. She wasn't Merlin and she would never be. Besides, he had made once a decision that he would only call for her in really urgent moments. As long as he felt that it was possible to cope with his loneliness on his own, her company wasn't necessary.

In the mornings he tried to plan his whole day to leave himself as least free time for thinking as he could. One of those mornings he decided that next time his advisers would mention his possible marriage, he would consider their proposition. He couldn't marry for love so there was no sense in waiting for something what would never come. At least he could do something good for his kingdom.

During day Arthur met many people and he pretended perfectly that he was absolutely fine. No one seemed to doubt in his king's well-being. He smiled, sometimes even laughed, but there was something strange in his eyes. Sometimes it was hard to notice at first but once it was seen, it never seemed to disappear.

Arthur sought Merlin's company. However the time that they were spending together never seemed enough. The king tried many things to keep Merlin close just for a little longer. He knew that they were running out of time so he wanted to use what was left wisely. There was no opportunity that he wouldn't take to spend more time with his dear friend. That's why Arthur thought about some sort of a small stag party just for two of them. He only hoped that Merlin would agree without asking unnecessary and awkward questions.

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><p><strong>As always I can't wait for your reviews! :)<strong>


	7. The Bond

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>I'm late again... Sorry! The chapter is not good but it's the introduction to the next one. ^^<br>**

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><p><strong><em>Engagement of an idiot<em>**

**Chapter 7**

"**The Bond**"

Arthur was quite nervous when he knocked on the doors of Merlin's chamber and came in. He was slightly scared when he told his friend that he had a request. He didn't want it to sound awkward or like an order. Merlin needed to know that he had right to say no. There was no point in doing something that would make him feel uncomfortable.

Arthur hated himself for sudden lack of self-confidence. For a short moment he considered retreating but his warrior-self did not let him. Besides, Merlin would follow him to find out what happened anyway.

After a while of clearing his throat and gazing around, the king dared to make his request.

Merlin looked at him carefully and then grinned in his most adorable way. Arthur's heart, which had stopped for a while, started beating again.

"That's a great idea," the warlock finally said. "I must admit that you scared me. You looked so deadly serious."

Arthur smiled with relief. It seemed that just for once the fate didn't try to ruin everything. "I just wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask," he said, trying to explain his behaviour.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Merlin asked. Suddenly his eyes turned sad.

"I thought that your fiancée wouldn't want me to distract you just before your wedding," Arthur said quickly.

"She's not like that," Merlin assured him. "I'm sure that Rowena won't mind."

"Good," Arthur said, nodding lightly. It was a moment when he was supposed to say good night and leave Merlin's chamber. However it was harder than he thought.

"I have a small request," the sorcerer said abruptly.

"Anything." Arthur really meant that.

"I want to be sober during my marriage ceremony," he said, "and knowing you I'm sure that you'll make me drink too much." Arthur chuckled. "That's why I think we shouldn't have our little party the evening before my wedding."

"That's fine. We can get drunk the day earlier than I planned," the king said.

"I knew you wanted to get me drunk!" Merlin said teasingly.

"True. You're so funny then."

They both laughed out loud.

It was such a rare sound these days.

oOoOo

Rowena couldn't wait for her wedding. The day was so near but she wanted to have it already happened. Then she would truly be a wife of a very influential man in the court. Then she would get the power which was one of those few things that really excited her.

She was wondering about her bright future when someone disturbed her by knocking. Rowena frowned and sighed silently. She wasn't in the mood for visits. "Come in," she said eventually.

The doors creaked and her future husband entered.

"Merlin," she said, bewildered. "What are you doing here? Don't you have a council to attend or something like that?"

"Well... I just wanted to tell you something and then I'll go back to my duties," he explained.

"Then tell me what it is," Rowena said. "It must be something important. You could wait and visit me later otherwise."

"It's not something _important_," he muttered. "I just want to make sure that you are okay with it."

"You're intriguing me," she said, frowning slightly.

"That's nothing bad," Merlin assured her, smiling. "I didn't want to confuse you."

"So what is it?" Rowena asked once again.

"Arthur wants to organize me a small bachelor party," the warlock explained. "And when I say small I mean just for me and him," he added quickly, watching his fiancée very carefully.

The woman smiled. "That's very sweet of him," she said cheerfully.

Merlin didn't know what to say. He hoped that Rowena would take the news lightly but he expected at least some questions. She didn't even seem be surprised that he would celebrate only with Arthur while he had many friends among knights. Merlin himself found it a little bit strange but it was Arthur's suggestion and he somehow liked it this way. It was good to think that he would spend one more evening as a single man with his best friend.

"Are you okay?" Rowena asked him.

Merlin took a deep breath. Once again he forgot about the world around him and it was mostly because of a certain royal prat.

"Yes, I'm fine," he said quickly. "I think it's time for me. You know... duties."

"Yes, of course. I'm not stopping you," she said. "But please, don't forget that tomorrow we dine together."

"I won't," Merlin promised and left the room in a rush.

He had no reason to run away but he followed the impulse. Outside he could stop and take a deep breath of a fresh air. He needed it to cool down. Previous thinking about Arthur made him nervous. He knew that he wasn't acting as a mature man but rather like a teenage girl. It was boding ill for his bachelor party.

Merlin needed to learn to control his emotions and he needed to learn it quickly. It would be a catastrophe if Arthur ever found out the true nature of his feelings.

oOoOo

Arthur knew that Merlin's stag party was going to be just the time that two old friends spend together. However the king couldn't help feeling a sense of excitement. He didn't dare to name his hopes but his heart was already filled with them. There was no point in denying it.

These days Arthur felt as lonely as never before. He felt that he was about to lose something very important to him. All those things that he had felt when Gwen left him seemed to be childish as compared with this new situation. He lost the battle before he had a chance to start the fight. He didn't even have an opportunity to try. Being the king didn't really mean that he was allowed to do everything. There were some norms and people's views which couldn't be changed easily and all efforts to change them would be highly risky.

It was good to dream but Arthur remembered that every dream had its end and the end of his greatest dream was dawning.

Enjoying the last moments of this dream was everything that Arthur could do for the next few days. Whatever would come after that was a mystery and he didn't want to waste time worrying about it. After all Merlin's marriage wasn't the end of everything. Arthur strongly believed that their friendship would endure anything. Even his broken heart would bear the humiliation that would come.

"Sire." Arthur lift up his eyes and looked at his servant who was holding the tray with the food. He forgot that it was time for supper.

"Thank you, Andrew," the king said, encouraging the boy to put the tray on the table. "I've prepared a list of things that I will need for Merlin's stag party. I hope you'll manage to get them."

"Yes, Sire. Of course, Sire." The servant grabbed the piece of paper and took a short look at it. "Everything will be ready on time."

"Good," Arthur said. "I've got something to do myself. I need the wedding present for Merlin. That's why I want you to prepare a horse for me. I'll need it tomorrow right after breakfast."

"This present must be something special if you're going to get it yourself somewhere outside the Camelot, Sire," Andrew pointed out, pouring king's chalice of wine.

"I hope it is," Arthur said, smiling fondly.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure Merlin will love it," the servant assured his king. "After all it's a present from you, Sire."

Arthur sighed inwardly. He wished the world was as simple as Andrew naively believed it was.

oOoOo

Merlin saw Arthur rushing out of the castle. He wanted to ask him what was going on but the king quickly climbed on his horse and galloped away. That was quite confusing.

Then he saw Andrew and ran towards him, knowing that it was probably his only chance to find out what happened.

"Andrew!" He called out loud.

The man turned into Merlin's direction and smiled at him politely.

"Where did Arthur go?" the warlock asked without saying hello. It wasn't supposed to sound so demanding but Merlin didn't have time to care.

"The king has some things to do," Andrew said, not wanting to reveal too much. "It concerns your wedding."

"If it's about my wedding, then you can tell me what it is," Merlin said encouragingly.

"No, I can't." He sighed. "It is a surprise. Now excuse me... the king will kill me if I don't clean his chamber." Andrew literally ran away, leaving bewildered Merlin behind.

oOoOo

Merlin didn't know why but he was strangely excited about the surprise. He couldn't just go to Arthur and ask him what it was because he didn't want to ruin something that the king was planning. He couldn't even go to Arthur's chamber to simply ask him where he'd gone in the morning because then he wouldn't resist to ask other questions.

It was really silly to be so preoccupied with something about his wedding while he didn't feel excited about the event at all. It was just one of the things that he had to do; like another duty. He knew that he wasn't honest with Rowena and she deserved more than him but she seemed to be quite happy. At least Merlin would protect and respect her and he would never intentionally hurt her.

He hoped that it was enough to make the marriage work. It was true that he had once believed in some values. The truth was that in his heart he was still carrying the image of ideal marriage. The marriage based on love and mutual feelings which would survive till the end of time.

However Merlin needed to leave the dream of such love behind him. In his life there was no place for such feelings. They weren't proper and they probably wouldn't be even mutual in the slightest way.

Merlin's decision was so hard to explain. Sometimes he himself didn't understand his way of thinking. However he remembered for all the time that he did the right thing and that his sacrifice was made for the right person.

There was one thing that Merlin kept on believing no matter what. He felt that his life would be unbearably empty without Arthur.

He couldn't be sure about Arthur but he hoped that the king valued their bond as much as he did.

oOoOo

"Sire, did you find what you were looking for?" Andrew asked curiously, putting the tray with dinner in front of the king.

Arthur smiled mysteriously. "Yes, I did," he said after a while. "It was not easy but it definitely was worth my efforts."

"Can I take a look at it, Sire?" the manservant asked shyly.

"Well..." the king hesitated. "It doesn't seem special if one doesn't know some certain things. And I want to keep it a secret."

"I understand, Sire. That's one of those things which make two friends smile while the others don't see a reason for a smile. How do people call it...? A bond?"

"I believe so," Arthur said, bewildered by the simplicity and truth of Andrew's statement. The king sighed inwardly. Then he cleared his throat and changed the subject of their conversation. "Did you manage to get all the things that I wrote down?"

"Almost," the servant admitted. "But as I said, everything will be ready on time. I know how important the stag party is for you, Sire."

_No, you don't, _Arthur thought, drinking wine.

oOoOo

When Arthur was left alone in his chamber, he lay down on his large bed and started staring up at the ceiling. He wondered what Merlin was doing. He wanted to know if Merlin was thinking about him as much as he was thinking about the warlock. He wished there was a room for him in Merlin's heart. He wished that Merlin never met Rowena. And finally he wished so much that he and Merlin were destined to share the every aspect of their lives.

Arthur tried to remember about his people and the promise that he had made to himself. However it was so hard not to let himself show the love that was running through his veins. Trying to forget about his feelings seemed to be even more impossible when he finally realised that Merlin was the missing part of his soul.

Arthur was trapped and he had no idea about how to get out of this trap.

The rain started falling, falling, falling...

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><p><strong>Please, review!<strong>


	8. New habit

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>I'm so, so sorry! I should have updated the story at least a week ago but I was very busy last few weeks. I hope you'll forgive me. As my apology, I wrote an extra long chapter. Enjoy!<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 8**

"**New habit"**

This was the day that Merlin and Arthur were waiting for. They were both nervous as hell, though none of them admitted it out loud. They were friends and other people would find it strange if they didn't feel quite comfortable in each other's company.

Rowena came to Merlin's chamber, wanting to help him choose something appropriate to wear for the party. She didn't listen to her fiancé's reassurances that he was capable of making such decision himself.

"This colour suits you, Merlin," she said, handing him a brand new shirt.

"It's too fancy," the warlock protested.

"It is not! I want you to look decent and that shirt will do the job," Rowena said firmly.

"I'd rather put on this blue tunic," Merlin told her, grabbing his old blue piece of garment.

The woman shook her head to show her disapproval. "You're a very important person in the kingdom. You can't keep going around wearing such clothes."

"People should judge me by my actions, not by the state of my clothes," Merlin said. "Besides it's my stag party and I want to feel comfortable during it. I'm sure Arthur won't mind."

Rowena felt that she wasn't able to convince him and that it was better to withdraw now than to keep the pointless argument. "Fine," she said a little bit angrily. "It's your day," she added softer after a while.

Merlin smiled at her and Rowena made herself smile back. "I think I'll let you get ready on your own," she said.

The warlock nodded, barely hiding his smile of relief.

"Have fun," Rowena said, kissing him on the cheek. "And don't let me down."

There was something strange about her last request. Merlin didn't understand it but he chose to ask no questions. He knew that he would never fully understand his future wife. They were not two sides of the same coin.

oOoOo

Arthur glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He was glad that he had let Andrew go earlier. At least his servant didn't have to watch him like this. It'd be too embarrassing.

"You're acting like a girl," Arthur murmured to himself and it was true. He loved calling Merlin a _girl_ but now he started to behave much worse than his friend.

To distract himself, Arthur glazed around the room to check if everything was on its placed. When for the tenth time this evening he convinced himself that it was, he sighed in relief. He needed this evening to be perfect. Merlin deserved at least such a small effort for all the years of their friendship.

Arthur started pacing around the room. Merlin was not late yet but the king wanted to stop waiting. It was killing him slowly. Many stupid thoughts crossed his mind and he wanted them to stop coming back. To distract himself more, he started recalling the first time when he and Merlin had met and the following days. The past seemed to be unreal. Arthur could not believe that there were times when he'd been such an arrogant and thoughtless prat. Luckily, everything had been changing since the day his and Merlin's paths crossed. Merlin was the one who made him a person that he was now and he was so grateful to his friend that the words could not express it.

Arthur sighed with longing. Merlin would never find out how dear he was to his king and Arthur would never kiss the one that he wanted. He would never taste Merlin's lips and feel warlock's smile under his own lips.

The king shook his head. Those thoughts led to nothing but sadness and it was the last thing that he wanted to feel right now. Arthur was going to enjoy the evening as much as he could.

He opened the window and breathed in the rainy air. It was cooling and relaxing and it made him feel much better.

Someone knocked on the door and before Arthur could answer, the door creaked and was pushed open.

oOoOo

Merlin put on the clothes that he wanted and he finally felt comfortable. Looking at his own reflection, Merlin thought that he was looking almost like years before, when he'd been very young and unsure of himself. The truth was that the naïve and inexperienced boy was still somewhere inside him.

Merlin was as much curious about the party as afraid of it. So many unexpected things would happen in such a short amount of time. He would make so many mistakes and even only one of them was able to ruin everything and cross out the future of Camelot that was about to unfold.

"It's just me and Arthur, two old friends," the warlock kept on repeating to himself. However it didn't help.

Merlin left his rooms and walked slowly towards Arthur's chamber. The way never seemed so long.

It was probably just his imagination but those few people that he passed in the corridors seemed to be watching him in a disturbing way. Although Merlin did nothing wrong, he couldn't help feeling guilty. The poor warlock started to wonder if it all was going to let go some day. He feared that such strange feelings would keep him company forever. It'd be something impossible to bear.

Finally Merlin reached Arthur's door. He didn't move for a while, trying to hear Arthur but all what he could hear in the moment was beating of his own heart.

For a few seconds he wanted to run away. He couldn't stand the thought that it was in some sense his and Arthur's goodbye. However he couldn't do it. The desire to spend some time with Arthur was stronger than anything else.

Merlin sighed silently and then knocked on the door. He didn't wait for "_enter" _or "_come in" _and simply pushed the door open. The old Merlin hadn't known the manners and he wanted to be his old self just one last time.

oOoOo

Their eyes met and the world suddenly whirled around them. It was the world that they shared, not being fully aware of that.

Arthur smiled at his friend and said, "Merlin, you're late."

"Just a little bit. I need to keep tradition," the warlock answered, smiling in the adorable way. He crossed the room, reducing the distance between them.

The king chuckled. "I didn't know that you are so keen on the traditions."

"I'm only keen on those which concern you," Merlin said, making them both laugh.

It felt so good to be close to each other and to forget about everything out of the room.

"Do you want some wine?" Arthur asked suddenly.

"Sure." Merlin turned towards the table to pour the chalices for both of them but Arthur stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"I'll do it," the blonde said quietly.

"You want to serve me a chalice of wine?" Merlin asked in disbelief.

Arthur nodded, keeping his hand on his friend's arm. "You're my guest, Merlin," the king said smoothly.

Merlin was truly bewildered but he liked it. Arthur led him to the furs in front of the fireplace and asked him to sit down on them. Then the king walked back to the table to take the chalices and the jug of wine. He filled one chalice with wine and brought it to Merlin. Then he was about to come back for the second chalice and the jug but Merlin made those things drift in the air towards them.

"You always called me clumsy," the warlock said, "but I was able to take two chalices and a jug at once."

"I underestimated you," Arthur said a little bit mockingly. "You were indeed a good servant."

"Can I hear a sarcasm in your voice?" Merlin asked, raising his eyebrow almost in the same way that Gaius used to.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the king muttered. "Let's make a toast for our friendship," he suggested, raising his chalice.

"For friendship," Merlin repeated and took a sip of delicious liquid.

Arthur watched his friend with amazement, not being able to stop thinking how perfect he was. Merlin was close to him and it seemed so easy to touch him and to feel the softness of his skin. However Arthur kept his hands to himself, adoring the warlock at the distance.

"These furs are very soft," Merlin said suddenly. "I've never seen them before. Where did you get them from?"

"Andrew brought them here," Arthur mumbled. "You need to ask him. More wine?"

"I'll deal with it," Merlin said and his eyes turned gold. His magic made the jug fly again and it filled their chalices. Moreover, the trays with food drifted towards them as well.

"Your magic is useful sometimes," the blonde admitted.

"Sometimes?" Merlin shook his head. "You mean that saving your life is not useful? Fine! I won't bend over backwards next time."

"You will," Arthur whispered. "It's not easy to be my primary saviour but you wouldn't have it any other way. Your life would be boring."

Merlin sighed soundly. "True," he mumbled after a while.

Suddenly Arthur grabbed and apple and said to Merlin, "bite it."

"What?" The warlock blinked a few times in confusion.

"Bite it," Arthur repeated softly.

"Why?" Merlin asked.

"Because you need to eat more," the blonde said. "You're so skinny. I'm pretty sure that there are some strange rumours about it. People may think that you're not fed properly in the castle and that's all because of me."

Merlin wondered if they had really drunk that much. Normally Arthur would not talk about such nonsense. Nonetheless, it was cute in a very strange way.

"Open your mouth, Merlin," Arthur asked him. "I want to feed you."

The dark haired man did as he was told and the king seemed to be very content. "It's such a surprise that you can be obedient," he said.

Merlin took a small bite, chewed the piece of apple and swallowed it. He didn't say anything and simply took another bite. It felt so good to be taken care of.

"You're such a good _boy_ sometimes," Arthur whispered when Merlin ate the whole apple.

Merlin's cheeks flushed a rosy shade of pink. The way Arthur said 'boy' was surprising and a little bit frightening. However he found it pleasant to hear.

"Talk to me," Arthur encouraged his friend. "You're always such a chatterbox."

"Eating and talking at the same time is a lack of manners," Merlin pointed out.

"I won't tell anybody," the blonde promised.

"You're my king and I should behave." The warlock took a deep sip of wine to hide his sad expression.

"Merlin," Arthur moaned. "For goodness' sake! Can't you forget that I'm the bloody king?" He turned his gaze towards the fireplace, not wanting Merlin to see his disappointment.

However Merlin could sense it. He didn't need to look at Arthur to know that he was a bit frustrated. "I'm sorry," the warlock said softly, touching his friend's shoulder.

"Sometimes I fear that I'm just the king for you," Arthur admitted suddenly.

This confession broke Merlin's heart. "You know it's not true," the warlock whispered. "You must know that."

Arthur nodded slightly. "I know," he confirmed sadly. "And I'm sorry for this comment. It should be a merry party."

"Don't be sorry," Merlin told him. "I'm happy that I finally can spend some time with you. Anything else doesn't matter."

Arthur turned his head to look Merlin in the eye. It would be so easy to lean down and kiss him but he couldn't do that.

"Are you okay?" the warlock asked him worryingly.

"Absolutely," Arthur answered. "Let's have another chalice of wine."

At some point they stopped counting the chalices that they drank. It didn't really matter. Although the alcohol made them behave braver than usual, they weren't much intoxicated. They were completely aware of what they were doing, though they started to find some normal things hilarious.

Arthur loved this feeling. He didn't have to behave like a king for these few hours. His touch could linger on Merlin's long arms and he could laugh at some truly silly things and nobody cared. Arthur almost forgot that in some way he was about to lose Merlin. For these last precious moments Merlin belonged to him and him only.

"Get off my lap," Arthur said to Merlin who found out that Arthur's body could be used as a quite comfortable pillow. His body, however, was giving an entirely different message than the words that he was saying. Arthur's hand's stroked Merlin's soft hair, keeping the younger man on his lap.

"Give me an apple," Merlin asked.

"You can take it yourself with magic," Arthur said, continuing on stroking his hair.

"It's more fun when you serve me," the warlock said, grinning.

Arthur chuckled at the ideas which crossed his mind. He thought about the other ways he could serve his friend. He wished he would make them all come true.

The king sighed inwardly and took the last apple off of the tray. Once again he started feeding Merlin and the intimacy of the act made them both shiver. Arthur even took one bite for himself, wanting to deepen their intimate moment.

When he realised that it all could end badly, he straightened up and then stood up quickly.

"What's happened?" Merlin asked worryingly.

"I... well..." He started stuttering, not being able to provide the reasonable explanation. "I almost forgot!" he gasped finally.

"You forgot about what?" Merlin kept on asking, making himself stand up as well. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Arthur assured him rapidly. "I just forgot about the surprise."

Merlin swallowed hard. He realised that he forgot about it too. "What is it?" he asked.

"Follow me," the king said and walked towards the night table. He opened one of the drawers and pulled a rolled parchment out of it.

Merlin watched his every move very carefully. He could see that Arthur was unsure and nervous and he wanted him to feel better.

"Arthur?" the warlock said softly.

"Take a seat, Merlin," Arthur asked him, pointing out the edge of his bed.

Merlin came closer and after a few moments of hesitation, he sat down next to Arthur.

"What is it?" he asked even softer than before.

"It's a gift," Arthur said slowly. "I should give it to you on your wedding day but then I thought that there's no sense in waiting." He smiled sadly and added, "read it."

Merlin took the parchment and unrolled it slowly. Then he took a deep breath and started reading it carefully. Every word made his eyes go wider and wider. Finally, he lifted his gaze to look at Arthur. "Is it...?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Arthur said. "The piece of land that you've found so beautiful belongs to you."

"Is it really the place where we've been?" Merlin asked once again to be sure.

"Yes, it's the very same place," Arthur confirmed, smiling lovingly.

Merlin dropped the parchment and it gracefully landed on the floor. However, none of them noticed it because in the moment it happened, Merlin's arms wrapped around Arthur. It was the tightest embrace that they had ever experienced and Arthur knew that he didn't want to let Merlin go. He wanted him to stay just like that forever.

"Thank you," Merlin whispered to Arthur's ear. "Thank you for everything... Thank you for being my friend... thank you, thank you..."

It wasn't about the present but about the remembrance.

At this moment, Merlin knew only one thing. He would never take Rowena to this place. The piece of land was his and Arthur's. It was their place and he would always think about it that way.

Arthur couldn't help breathing in Merlin's scent and caressing his back with his hands. He dreamt about such moment many times but he had never expected it to happen in real life.

He could feel that Merlin was a little bit tense. He started massaging him more intensively. It felt a natural thing to do and his friend didn't seem to mind it.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered, moving backwards to look him in the eyes. However Arthur's strong arms prevented him from moving too far away and their bodies still clung to each other.

Arthur didn't stop stroking Merlin's back. He looked deep into warlock's eyes, touching him tenderly.

He knew that he should stop himself but all the efforts ended up in failure. Arthur wanted to blame alcohol but he felt surprisingly sober.

"Arthur," Merlin repeated his name. There was something pleading and asking in his voice.

For a while they didn't move at all. Arthur stopped massaging Merlin's muscles and they both stopped breathing. Time seemed to be nothing. The world seemed not to exist. They wanted to stay like this forever.

It was hard to tell who made the move first but it didn't matter. They leant towards each other, hardly breathing, and then their lips met in sweet a union.

Arthur's arms moved, pulling Merlin closer and closer. It was such a wonderful feeling to finally touch him this way and not to be rejected. Merlin parted his lips for him so he could finally explore and taste his inside. Now he knew that he was never going to let Merlin go.

None of them wanted to pull apart but they needed to breathe. The separation lasted only a few seconds. When they took a deep breath, they clung to each other once again.

Arthur almost literally devoured Merlin's mouth but the warlock didn't care. It was something that he had been waiting for such a long time and he finally got it. There was no words to express the the way he felt now.

Merlin didn't think about the consequences of what they were doing. They didn't matter at all. Arthur was the only one who mattered now and he was kissing him passionately, not caring about the future as well.

Finally Arthur's hands managed to slide under Merlin's tunic. The king needed to feel his friend's bare skin under his fingertips. He needed to examine it and worship its softness. It all felt like the right thing to do.

Arthur's fingers seemed cold against Merlin's hot skin but the warlock enjoyed the feeling of coolness. Thanks to it, he still could think quite clearly.

"There's too many clothes," Arthur mumbled, pulling apart. "Way too many."

Merlin agreed with him silently because he was not able to speak any sense. Arthur, wanting to coming back to kissing as soon as possible, grabbed Merlin's tunic and pulled it off quickly. When he finished, Merlin grasped Arthur's open neck shirt and unbuttoned it as fast as his clumsy nature let him. After that he was only able to kick his boots off before Arthur pushed him on the silk sheets and leant down to continue what he had started before.

"That's better," the king moaned, groping Merlin's chest.

His skin was smooth and pale and purely beautiful. Arthur kissed it adoringly and passionately. He teased Merlin and he knew that Merlin loved it.

"Arthur," the warlock moaned pleadingly. "Arthur!"

Arthur lifted his head up to look at Merlin's face and laughed delightfully. He was truly happy.

Then Merlin pulled him closer, kissing his king hungrily. They started rolling on the bed. Once Merlin was on the top, once Arthur. Their legs were tangled together and their hands were roaming each other's bodies. It was almost perfect.

Almost.

Arthur had never been so hard. He could also feel the hardness of Merlin's prick and he wanted to feel it between his fingers. He wanted to stroke it and taste it and do so much more. However he feared that it all would be too much. Scaring Merlin was the last thing that he intended to do.

Arthur kept on kissing Merlin until their bodies were wet with sweat. Then he pulled away to take a few breaths and to consider taking the next step.

Merlin lay underneath him, breathing soundly. His eyes were half closed and his lips were parted a little bit. Despite the overwhelming tiredness, he wanted more.

They watched each other, gasping for air. It was hard to tell how long it took them to break the silence but Merlin was the one who did it.

"More," he whispered timidly.

Arthur could not refuse. Being encouraged by Merlin's words, he slid his hand under warlock's trousers.

Merlin threw his belt away and slowly pulled his trousers down, giving Arthur the better access to his cock. Not thinking too much, Merlin started removing the last piece of Arthur's garment. The blonde stopped examining the other man's cock to get rid of his trousers completely. After a while they both were naked and hypnotised by the beauty of their bodies.

When they clung to each other again, their actions became more mutual. Not only Merlin responded to Arthur's touches, but he also started to tease the other man. They moved very slowly, not wanting to end it too quickly. Arthur was going to learn every inch of Merlin's skin by heart before the end of the night. It was an ambitious plan but he wasn't going to stop until he succeeded.

Arthur frantically licked Merlin's ears, neck and nipples. His hands slid down between his and Merlin's groins, trying to grasp their cocks in his hand. It was not easy but trying was pleasurable enough to do it for its sake.

Seeing Arthur's ineffective efforts, Merlin wrapped his slim legs around his waist. This little change made their pricks grind together. The new angle was perfect. Almost magical.

But they still craved for more. Although it was not possible, they wanted to catch up with years of pretending and months of hiding. They wondered how they managed to keep their hands away from each other for so long. At that moment it really seemed impossible.

The rain was pattering against the window but none of them could hear that. Probably they wouldn't hear people screaming behind their doors. There were only two things that they could actually hear – gasping for air and beating of their hearts.

Their sweet love making seemed to last and last and never end. Their first time was plain and simple. Arthur wanted to do to Merlin all the things that he had been fantasying about but they had to wait. Kissing and rubbing and stroking were good enough and there was no need for adding anything. After all they had plenty of time and they didn't need to rush things.

Arthur was close to completion and he felt that Merlin was too. It was a miracle that he was able to prevent his orgasm for such a long time at the first place.

Merlin's hand was wrapped around Arthur's cock and Arthur's around Merlin's. They were jerking each other off at the same rhythm and with their eyes locked. There was nothing to hide or to be ashamed of. They were exposed enough to easily forget about shyness and uncertainty.

"Arthur... Arthur..." Merlin panted weakly. He was defeated. He needed to give up and let himself cum.

"Merlin..." Arthur moaned, hastening the movements of his hand.

After a few seconds Merlin was coming all over Arthur's hand. The king could watch his beautiful facial expression. His eyes were closed tight and his head was thrown backwards. Arthur knew that they were doing nothing wrong. He knew that they had right to be happy.

Merlin was too much overwhelmed by his climax to stroke Arthur properly. The king, however, didn't mind. He grasped his stiff penis and brought himself to completion with two strong strokes. His come landed shamelessly on Merlin's chest and Arthur even more shamelessly laughed.

He lay down on the bed and watched Merlin. His friend was very slowly coming back to his sense. When Merlin finally became quite conscious, Arthur threw his arm on his chest and pulled him closer. They kissed chastely and smiled at each other. They both were very tired but Merlin was the first who started drifting away into sleep. Arthur hugged him tighter and began to caress his back slowly. Merlin who was half-asleep purred silently what made Arthur shiver. It was intimate but on a different level. However Arthur was keen on going through all the levels with Merlin by his side. It didn't matter how long it was going to take. He truly believed that since that night on, everything would be better and that there was no power that would take Merlin away from him. Merlin was his and he was Merlin's. Neither Rowena, nor any other woman, was able to break the bond that they just strengthened.

Arthur could feel that he was alive. He closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep, breathing in Merlin's sweet scent. Just before drifting away, he smiled, thinking that it was going to become their habit.

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><p><strong>Did you like it? I hope so! ^^ <strong>

**Please, review!**


	9. Mistakes

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>Merry Merlin Christmas everyone! Have you seen the last episode of "Merlin"? God! If you haven't, then you need to prepare for some very interesting twsit at the very last scene (damn cliffhanger!). I don't know how I'll manage to wait for season 5. I hope that fandom will be willing to help me. ;)<br>Now enjoy the new chapter!**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 9**

"**Mistakes"**

Merlin felt incredibly warm and safe. It was perfect. He never wanted to let it go.

Then his eyes snapped open and it was the end of his sweet oblivion.

There was dark all around him but he easily recognised the room. Besides he could feel the warm body pressed against his back and an arm wrapped around his waist.

Merlin didn't move for a while, slowly recalling the events which had happened a few hours before. The truth was scaring and exciting him at the same time and he couldn't help that.

The warlock swallowed hard, wondering what to do. It would be so easy to stay in bed and to drift into Arthur's embrace. Merlin had been dreaming about those things for such a long time and now they came true. However he felt that it was wrong. No matter how much both of them wanted it, they couldn't just live like that, not caring about all the rest. It was not what people were expecting and it definitely was not something what would help the Albion survive once it was finally united. He felt that they couldn't selfishly follow their desires.

Ignoring the sudden pain in his heart, Merlin slowly moved away from Arthur and silently slid off the bed. He and Arthur were probably supposed to discuss what happened between them first but Merlin didn't have courage to wake Arthur up and face the problem right now or to wait until morning for Arthur to wake up himself. Merlin knew that he acted like a coward but he could do nothing about it.

Trying to convince himself that they both needed time to think, he started collecting his clothes from the floor. It was more painful than one can imagine. Every piece of garment, his or Arthur's, brought back the bitter-sweet memories of what had happened there.

Merlin put his trousers and tunic on. Then he found his boots and was ready to run away. However he needed to glance at sleeping Arthur one last time. The moment he looked at the king, he knew that it was a mistake. Arthur looked so calm, adorable and happy. Merlin felt awful. He was about to take it all away from him right now and he was going to do it like a coward. Merlin knew that Arthur deserved so much better and he was ashamed of himself and of what he was doing.

The warlock needed to get out of the chamber as soon as possible. This room was a trap and his doom.

In a short moment of regaining his strong will, he turned his gaze away from Arthur and walked quickly towards the door. The rush was his another mistake.

Merlin bumped into the chair, making it fall down on the floor with a thud.

The noise woke Arthur up. He immediately sat up on the bed and looked around in confusion.

"Merlin?" he asked weakly.

The warlock straightened up and made himself turn around. Arthur hoped that it was a misunderstanding but when he saw the sadness in Merlin's eyes, he knew that it was serious.

"I'm sorry," the dark haired man whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

Arthur shook his head. "No," he said. "You have nothing to be sorry for... Just come back to bed and..."

"Arthur," Merlin said his name sadly, looking down. "I can't do that. We can't..."

"Why?" the king asked firmly.

"You know why!" Merlin sighed. "You know it very well. We've made a mistake but we need to forget about it."

"Mistake," Arthur repeated after him with disbelief. "It was not a mistake. You wanted it as much as I did. I know it..."

"It's not about what we want, Arthur. If the circumstances were different, then we would... But you're king and you need to follow your people's expectations." Merlin was all trembling but he had to tell it to make everything clear between them. "You need an heir and I can't give you one."

"I don't care," Arthur said, though it was not entirely true. He knew that an heir would be a problem but losing Merlin seemed to be far worse.

"What's the sense of building Albion if it's going to be shattered right after your death?" Merlin asked him. He wanted Arthur to understand that they had to sacrifice their feelings for the greater good. "You need someone who would continue your work."

"What are we going to do, then?" Arthur asked angrily. "Do you want us to pretend that _it _never happened? I don't think I can."

"Arthur..."

"Don't!" the king snapped harshly. "Tell me one thing... Are you able to bear living in a lie _again_?"

"It's cruel and unfair," Merlin replied, feeling tears in his eyes. "I thought you've forgiven me my undercover life. Now you're bringing it back when it's not related with the subject!"

"How do you think I feel now?" Arthur asked him. "You've deceived me once again. You made me believe that we would... that we were..." He was not able to name it. It was too painful. "Tell me how should we live now. Tell me because I have no idea."

"I will always be by your side," Merlin promised him. "I'll always be your friend and I'll never forget about what happened because it meant the world to me but..."

"Then stay with me," Arthur begged him. "We'll solve all the problems together."

"I wish we would but it's impossible." He sighed. "I never thought I would have to protect you from myself."

"You don't have to," the king assured him. "I need you... I lo..."

"Don't!" Merlin shook his head. "Don't say that. We shall never say that." Then he ran away from the chamber and from Arthur because he couldn't stand it any more.

Arthur wanted to follow him but when he got up, he realised that he was completely naked. When he finally found his clothes and put them on himself it was too late. There was no sign of Merlin. The warlock could be anywhere and Arthur wasn't even sure if he was able to find him.

oOoOo

In his entire life, Merlin had never been so much confused. He knew that he'd made a mistake but he couldn't force himself to regret it. At the same time he knew that he betrayed his fiancée and he felt that he couldn't let it be. It was dishonest. Rowena deserved to know the truth. He owed it to her.

That's why, despite the night, Merlin headed directly towards her house. He needed to tell her as soon as possible. Locked door was not a problem for such a great sorcerer so he could slide into the house without getting anybody else involved. The manners and things which were inappropriate were the last things that he was concerned about now. They seemed nothing when he thought about his betrayal.

It was a miracle that nobody noticed Merlin entering Rowena's bedroom. He was in such an emotional state that he should have bumped into everything what was on his way. Luckily for him, he didn't.

"Rowena," the man said her name in a trembling voice, trying to wake her up. "Rowena."

"Merlin," she said, opening her eyes. "You shouldn't be here. It's inappropriate."

"I need to tell you something," Merlin admitted. "It's important and it can't wait."

She looked at him in confusion. "What is it?" she asked. "Have you argued with our king again? You two were supposed to enjoy your stag party," she said quite harshly.

"We were," Merlin told her in a very weak voice. "We actually enjoyed it too much."

Rowena frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"I think we drank too much and became a little bit sentimental and..." He swallowed hard. "And then it happened. We... we kissed and then..." Merlin closed his eyes in embarrassment. "We couldn't stop it happening... I'm so sorry..."

"You mean that you and him slept together," she said after a while.

Merlin nodded. "I'm ashamed of my betrayal... I know you can't forgive me but I want to say sorry."

"Merlin," Rowena said firmly, making the man look at her. She didn't look angry or disgusted. Actually, she looked quite content. "You can sleep with him as often as you want. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I expected it to happen."

"What?" Merlin asked, not believing in what he just heard. "You expected it to happen? And you wanted to marry me?"

"I still want to marry you," Rowena said proudly. "Your affair with the king doesn't change anything in that matter."

"How can you say that?" Merlin didn't understand her motivations and wasn't sure if he wanted to understand them at all. However it was his obligation.

"It's just a marriage," she said as if it was going to explain everything. "People marry all the time. In most cases they do it to achieve something."

"And what can you achieve marrying me?"

"Everything." Rowena smirked cunningly. "I just need you to have the affair with the king. He's going to do everything for you and for me if I let it continue. It's perfect, isn't it? You don't need to worry about what people will say as long as you have a wife. No one will suspect that there's something wrong with you. No one will try to separate you from your beloved Arthur."

"Why would they want to?" Merlin asked very weakly.

"That's easy, Merlin. He's so desperate to have you that he'd give up everything. He wouldn't marry and therefore wouldn't have an heir." She sniggered. "Soon, people would find out that you're the one who's distracting him and they'd do everything not to let it continue." She sighed. "If you marry me, no one will suspect you. If Arthur can't have you only for himself, he will probably marry some princess and will have an heir. Then he would still have you as his lover. It's perfect."

Merlin shook his head. "How could you even think about such plan? What for?" he asked.

"I want power," she said firmly. "I'd be queen but she isn't really powerful. All I need is a husband who is really dear to the king."

"You think that I'll marry you?" he asked furiously. "After what I just heard?"

"Of course, you will. It's perfectly profitable for everyone," she said.

"Then you're wrong," Merlin muttered. "Farewell."

He left her house in a worse emotional state than before.

Rowena smiled at herself. "You will," she whispered. "You don't have any better option."

oOoOo

The rain was falling.

Once again this night Merlin was running away from his problems. This time, however, he didn't wish to see anybody. He needed to be on his own for a longer while to think it all through.

He reached the stables to take his horse. It was better to get out of the city and avoid everybody that he knew than to stay in Camelot and listen to all the questions and demands. Merlin needed the time to breathe and to wonder about his future. Too many things depended on his actions to make the sudden decisions and then regret all of them.

The warlock didn't know where he was heading. He decided to trust his horse and to let the animal lead him.

Merlin couldn't even seek the advice from the Great Dragon. It would be too embarrassing to ask such questions. Besides he truly doubted if Kilgharrah could help him. The issue was about human feelings and their impact on the future. Although the Dragon was concerned about the future, he knew too little about the nature of human feelings. Despite his old age, he had never experienced them. At least not in the way people did.

During the ride, Merlin was recalling every word of his conversation with Rowena. After a while he was more disgusted than at the beginning. He could not believe that Rowena was such a good actress. She'd deceived him. Merlin had truly believed that she had a good heart but now he knew that she had been a cunning and powerful woman for all this time. She planned to use his feelings for Arthur to gain what she wanted. It was repulsive. In his entire life, Merlin had never heard about the woman who would marry a man and then encouraged him to sleep with someone else to gain something. Merlin knew now that he'd been naïve all this time. The world was full of cunning beasts who only looked like ordinary human beings.

The worst thing, however, was that he hurt Arthur. Merlin was supposed to protect the king but he couldn't protect him from himself. The warlock didn't know how he would face him now. Everything would be easier if Merlin actually could leave Arthur for a few months. However it would be highly immature and dangerous. Without his magical help, Arthur would be hurt and even killed. Besides, Merlin couldn't imagine his life without Arthur even if he would never have him. Although the things between them were going to be awkward at first, he hoped that in time they would be just friends again. It was the only thing that they were allowed to be.

Merlin sobbed silently. He knew that they were going to suffer but they would bear it for the sake of Albion.

Suddenly Merlin's horse stopped and didn't want to go any more.

"What's wrong?" the warlock asked the animal. "Are you tired?" He sighed. "Fine, we're going to have a break!"

Merlin slid off the horse's back and looked around. He recognised the area easily, though he'd been there just once. He was near the Crystal Cave.

Merlin was not sure if it was just a coincidence. It might have been a sign. Perhaps, he was meant to find the Cave and then see the future.

This simple thing could solve all his problems. Merlin, however, was not sure if it was so easy. He would see something what he didn't want to know or something what would turn him in the wrong direction. Besides, he had once made a decision that he would never again dare to use the Cave.

Merlin was so confused. He looked up at the sky, seeking the answer for his questions. However there was none to be find.

He sighed soundly. "I need to know," he said to himself finally. "For Albion's sake." _And Arthur's_, he thought, _and mine._

Merlin straightened up and started walking slowly towards the place where the entrance to the Crystal Cave was hidden. He hesitated for a few seconds before entering it.

The rain started falling harder.

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><p><strong>It's Christmas time! Please, make me happy by writing a review.<strong>


	10. Cursed with knowledge

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><em><em>**Happy New Year Merlin Fans! Have fun and enjoy the new chapter!**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 10**

"**Cursed with knowledge"**

Merlin moved slowly and carefully with his eyes half closed. Although he came there to look into the future, he was afraid of facing it. He remembered his fear after his first visit. It was many years before but he couldn't forget it. He knew that this time would be far worse because it was about Arthur, not Uther's death. However the knowledge that the crystals held was more important than Merlin's personal phobias. Besides he would do far more for Arthur. The truth was that not only Merlin had changed Arthur but the king had also shaped Merlin's characters. Without each other they would be entirely different people.

Focusing on Arthur and his own destiny, Merlin dared to open his eyes. He could not enjoy the beauty of the crystals all around him for a long time. Within a few seconds his eyes noticed the crystal which revealed one of the alternatives of the future.

Merlin saw Rowena by his side and understood that it was the option which the woman suggested. It was obvious that they were married couple. His own arm around her waist was clear enough. In a few seconds the image changed. Now he could see Arthur but the king did not really look as the man Merlin knew. He seemed tired and depressed. The image broke Merlin's heart. Then he heard Arthur saying "Merlin." His voice was full of desperation and Merlin wanted to do nothing but hug him tightly.

Then the image changed one more time. Arthur was sitting on his throne but the place at his side was empty. It meant that he wasn't going to marry. Merlin could see himself standing in the first row of people with Rowena by his side. She was the only person who seemed content with that situation. Arthur was glancing at her from time to time, as if he was seeking her permission. Rowena smirked at the king and her eyes expressed more than Merlin wanted to know. She was fully aware of her power and she was going to use it.

The vision blurred and for a few seconds Merlin didn't see anything. Then the continuation appeared on the surface of other crystal. This time he could see himself and Arthur. The king was caressing his arms and was mumbling something that Merlin couldn't understand. Then his vision-self walked away, leaving sobbing Arthur alone. None of them were happy.

Merlin closed his eyes. He had enough of that vision. It was killing him to know that all what he saw would happen soon. He couldn't let it happen. He wouldn't stand Arthur being so broken.

The sorcerer opened his eyes, willing to find an alternative. He needed to check if it was going to be better or worse.

He gazed around the Crystal Cave, looking for the crystal which would present another version of the future to him. He couldn't make probably the most important decision in his life, not knowing the whole truth.

At the moment when Merlin started to feel that he was not going to be given the alternative, he saw another image. It was different than the previous ones. Arthur was not depressed. He was actually watching a small light-haired boy playing in the royal garden. The king called the boy William and the kid turned his head around to look at him. "Yes, father?" the child asked Arthur.

Merlin wanted to learn more but the vision blurred and disappeared and did not come back. It was frustrating. He really needed to find out what was going on. However he had once learnt that the Crystal Cave didn't always give the answers to the question that one sought. The magic which was the heart of the Cave revealed only some information to the particular people. It would be hard to find two persons who would actually see the same thing. Merlin doubted if it was possible at all.

He knelt down on the uneven surface of the Cave. He was waiting for another vision but it was hopeless. He was not going to get another chance.

oOoOo

It was late in the morning when Arthur came into the ballroom. There was plenty of people inside. They all were preparing the room for the reception. Everything seemed to be fine but Arthur knew that it was only an illusion. None of these people could know about what had happened at night in their king's chambers. Arthur wished he could live in such oblivion too.

Then he spotted a nicely dressed female figure who was bossing other people around. Arthur didn't need to look twice to recognise her. He watched her, not knowing that she was aware of the truth.

After a while Rowena looked in his direction and bowed lightly. She said something to one of the servants and then walked towards Arthur.

"Good morning, your highness," she said cheerfully. "Have you slept comfortably last night?" she asked, smirking.

Arthur blinked few times. He couldn't help feeling that she knew more than he was giving her credit for. "Yes. Why are you asking, my lady?"

"You know, Sire... You must have had less sleep than usual," Rowena said smoothly. "I'm sure that you and my future _husband _were enjoying his stag party for many hours."

"Talking about Merlin... have you seen him today?" Arthur asked her. He had been looking for his friend all morning but there was no sign of him.

"Well... If you consider last night as today, then yes." She smirked evilly, not even trying to hide it.

"What do you mean?" Arthur was terrified but he needed to know the truth.

"My dear and honest Merlin paid me a visit last night," she explained innocently. "If you want me to be precise, he came to me right after leaving your _bed._"

Arthur didn't know what to say. It was clear that Rowena knew everything. However the strangest thing in this situation was that the preparations for the wedding had not been stopped yet.

"Don't be surprised, Sire. Merlin had to confess to clear his conscience," she said. "He wouldn't marry me, if he didn't admit to the sin first."

"You don't look disgusted," Arthur pointed out.

"Because I am not. I was so merciful that I've forgiven him his betrayal." She sighed.

"Are you still getting married?" the king asked in disbelief.

"Of course," Rowena said firmly. "I want Merlin to be my husband and nothing can stop me."

"What kind of woman are you?" Arthur asked angrily. "Your fiancée slept with your king right before your wedding day," he hissed. "Aren't you mad? Aren't you jealous?"

Rowena laughed soundly. "You're so funny, your highness," she told him. "I'm starting to understand why my fiancée is so fond of you." After a while she cleared her throat and looked Arthur in the eye. "I'm not a jealous type of wife," she said. "Actually, I can share Merlin with you. Of course, not for free."

Arthur watched her in silence. He was furious. The woman surely made fun of him.

"I am serious, my lord," she assured him. "My offer is _serious_."

"Does Merlin know about it?" Arthur asked angrily.

"Yes, I told him last night."

The king shook his head in disbelief. "And he's still going to marry you?" he asked.

"He's still sulky with me but I'm sure he will marry me tomorrow," she said, smirking. "He can't have you any other way."

"Of course he can," Arthur said firmly. "He can be with me. We don't need you."

Rowena chuckled. "You do, Arthur. You may refuse it, but soon enough you will find out that it's true. And you'll be grateful for my offer."

"You're wrong," he snarled. "I won't let you take him away from me."

"You don't have to," she said. "He's already left you alone last night."

"I'll win him back." Arthur was determined. He couldn't let Merlin marry this woman. It was no longer only about their affection. Rowena was purely evil and she had fun playing with their feelings. Even if he couldn't have Merlin for himself, he couldn't let him waste his life by her side.

"I truly doubt that," Rowena said lazily. "He's too much concerned with his destiny. He won't make such a great mistake."

"I won't give up," Arthur whispered so she could hardly hear him.

"That's what I wanted to hear," she replied in the same manner. "It's gonna be fun, isn't it?"

"I pity you," the king hissed.

"No," Rowena said. "_I_ pity _you_, Arthur Pendragon. You're going to beg me for sharing Merlin with you."

Arthur couldn't stand it any longer. He couldn't look at her smirk and decided to walk away until he could stop himself from hurting her. He had more important things to do than arguing with some crazy woman. He needed to find Merlin and win him back, though he wasn't sure how to do that. It didn't matter any way. Arthur strongly believed that his love would guide him.

oOoOo

Somebody knocked on Arthur's door.

"Enter," the king said immediately, hoping to see Merlin's face. However it was not him. It would be too easy.

"Good afternoon, Sire," Raven greeted her king.

"I didn't ask for your company," Arthur said, turning his gaze away.

"Yes, I know," the young girl said timidly. "But I thought that you would like somebody to talk to you, my lord."

"Thank you for your concern but I'll be fine." Arthur wanted to be alone. He didn't need anyone but Merlin and since Raven was not him, it was better for her to walk away.

"I'm sorry, Sire, but I don't think so," she said more bravely.

The king glanced at her. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"It's not a mystery that Merlin was not seen today neither in the castle, nor in the city. It wouldn't be anything strange if he wasn't going to get married tomorrow." She looked down at the floor. "Besides you are not yourself today, Sire. You're clearly worried about him."

"That's true," Arthur admitted. "But you can't help me. Not any more."

"I know," Raven said. "I didn't come here to _help _you, Sire." She knew that Arthur didn't need his royal bed-warmer. However he needed someone like friend.

The king remained silent for a while, watching the falling rain. "It's been raining for such a long time," he spoke suddenly. "Merlin must be soaked. He's going to be ill..."

"He'll be fine," the girl assured him.

"I don't want to lose him, Raven," Arthur admitted finally. "I can't bear the thought that I may never see him again or that he's going to come back and marry lady Rowena. I don't want that."

"It's been obvious to me for a long time," she said quietly.

Arthur smiled sadly. "I wanted to believe that it was just the lust that I would overcome. However he's so much more... He's my other half." He closed his eyes. "The worst thing is that I should marry some noble lady to have a legitimate heir."

"That's the problem, indeed," Raven admitted. "But I'm sure that there is a way that you can't see now."

"I hope it's true." He looked at her and smiled. "Now you can really go. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure, Sire?"

"Yes, I am," he said. Just before she walked away, he added, "thank you for the company and your reassuring words. It helped a lot."

Raven smiled slightly. "It's a pleasure to help you, Sire."

oOoOo

Merlin couldn't stop thinking about what he'd seen even for a few seconds. It was terrifying. He couldn't focus on making a final decision. It seemed that he and Arthur were doomed any way. His marriage would not make anything right between them. The things were going to be even worse. However in the second vision Arthur was a father. The king was going to marry some lady and be happy. Nonetheless, they weren't meant to be together.

The sorcerer buried his head in his hands. He knew which decision was the better one but it was so painful to him. He knew that he had to let Arthur find his queen and have a son. It was an obligation of every king in the world. No matter how much Merlin wanted it, Arthur was not an exception.

Merlin wanted Arthur to be happy. It didn't matter what he would feel himself. He had always known that nothing would happen between them. He wasn't supposed to be angry or disappointed. And he wasn't. Merlin was just unhappy but who said that he had to be happy. The marriage with Rowena wouldn't make him happy anyway.

He sighed. He finally made his decision. Now he just had to come back to the castle and explain everything to Arthur. The king deserved to know about the vision. After all it was about his future too.

Merlin hoped that Arthur would understand and admit that he was right. He hoped that Arthur wouldn't ask him for being together until he found the right lady. It would eventually kill both of them. Merlin was sure of that. It would be impossible to let Arthur go after having him for some time. The continuation of their affair after Arthur's marriage wouldn't be fair as well. Arthur's future wife didn't deserve such fate. Besides the situation wouldn't be much different than the situation in his first vision. None of them would be happy this way. It was better to end any affair that they had now. Every day of delay would be too much to bear.

Merlin glanced at his horse. "It seems that we're going home," he said sadly. "Soon you'll be in a warm and dry stable, I promise."

He was angry with himself that he'd made the poor animal wait for him in the rain. It was thoughtless.

Merlin was heading back to the city when he heard a terrifying scream. Without hesitation, he galloped in its direction. Someone was in pain or danger and needed his help.

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><p><strong>What do you think? Review!<strong>


	11. Blessed with knowledge

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language.**

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><p><strong>I hate January! It's the time when I sleep like 4 hours a day. I've been so busy that I couldn't update sooner. I'm so sorry!<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

**Chapter 11**

"**Blessed with knowledge"**

The first thing that Merlin saw was a small group of people. Then he noticed a cart behind their backs. After a while he realised that it was an attack of bandits.

He heard another scream. Now he was sure - it belonged to a woman.

Merlin was so determined to help that he forgot about his own problems. It was a bless for which he would be grateful later.

"Leave her!" Merlin shouted.

The bandits were so surprised by his determined voice that they turned their heads to look at him.

"Take him," shouted the oldest of them.

"I wouldn't dare if I were you," Merlin said, stopping his horse. "Leave her alone before I use force."

The men burst out laughing. "You?" one of them asked with pity.

"I warn you," the sorcerer said firmly.

"Go on, then," the youngest and probably the most stupid of the bandits encouraged him. "I'd love to cut your pretty face. It lacks colour and the scarlet blood all over it should do the work."

Merlin sighed inwardly. He hated using his magic against such people like them but he didn't have a choice. It wasn't even fun to defeat such arrogant and heartless bastards. It was just the right thing to do in such situation.

The sorcerer made a lazy gesture with his hands and immediately all of the bandits were thrown backwards. All of them hit the hard ground and lost their consciousness. They wouldn't hurt anyone for quite a long time.

Merlin turned towards the woman. She was lying in the grass, holding her baby very tightly.

"You're safe, now," Merlin said, moving towards her.

He knelt down by her side and saw that she was stabbed.

"You're bleeding," he told her.

She gasped for air. "Doesn't matter... take my child... my husband's... dead." She could barely speak but she was glad that there was someone who would take care of her baby.

"I can cure you," Merlin said. "I'm the Magician at king Arthur's Court."

"Too late..." the woman whispered.

"No..." Merlin touched the bleeding. He had to pull the dagger out. Only then would he use his magic.

"Don't," she said. "Take him... His name's William."

Merlin looked at the baby. His very short hair was blonde and there was something familiar in his facial features.

When he glancedat the woman again, she wasn't breathing any more. She was right. It was already too late for her.

Merlin took the child gently in his hands. The little boy had fallen asleep in the arms of his dying mother. Merlin sighed. One day he would tell him about it.

He knew that he couldn't just leave the two dead bodies in the middle of the forest. The two people who blessed him with William and therefore gave him hope, deserved for a proper funeral.

Merlin used his magic to put the bodies in the cart. Then his horse and the horse that once belonged to them, carried the cart towards the nearest lake. It was not far away from where the tragedy had happened. When they finally reached the lake, Merlin cast a spell which turned the cart into a boat and then he let it float.

Despite the blood on their clothes, they looked as if they were sleeping peacefully. Merlin's eyes turned gold and the boat was set on fire.

The flames consumed it slowly and at the moment it sank, the rain stopped falling.

oOoOo

It was the early evening when Merlin reached Camelot. His journey was prolonged because he needed to be careful. Merlin didn't have much experience in taking care of babies. He was afraid that he would harm the little boy and therefore he made the horse move slowly.

When he arrived at the city, the few people that he passed by looked at him, frowning. He couldn't blame them. He disappeared for a whole day and Arthur had probably been looking for him. Now he was coming back with a baby in his arms. It was not something what people expected.

The stable-boy took his horse, not asking about anything. However Merlin noticed the curious look in his eyes. The warlock sighed inwardly. The boy needed to wait like everybody else. He had to see Arthur first to explain everything to him.

The first person that he met within the castle was Raven.

"Merlin," she greeted him, looking at the child in astonishment. "Arthur's worried about you. You should go to him as soon as possible."

"I know," the warlock replied. "I'm just going to do this."

"You're going there with the baby?" she asked.

Merlin looked at the boy. "It's probably not the best idea," he admitted. He wanted to introduce little William to Arthur but first he needed to tell him what he'd seen in the Crystal Cave. If Arthur saw Will, then he would like to know child's story first. "Could you take care of him?" Merlin asked her. "His name is William."

"Of course," Raven agreed, taking him into her arms. The boy cried suddenly. "When was he fed last?" she asked.

"I don't know," Merlin said embarrassingly. He hadn't thought about feeding the poor child. "It must've been long ago." He sighed. "I saved him, though I wasn't able to save his parents."

"He's an orphan," Raven said sadly. She knew the feeling of being alone in the world very well. "I know one woman who's recently gave birth to a daughter. I'm sure she'll be happy to breastfeed him too."

Merlin smiled at her. "Thank you," he said. "You're wonderful."

The girl blushed lightly. "If I were you, I would already run to Arthur. The king is sometimes a very impatient man and I assure you that he's going to explode soon."

"You're right," Merlin admitted. "Just... bring William to Arthur's chambers in an hour, okay?" he asked her.

"Don't worry, I will," Raven assured him. "Now go."

Merlin gave her last smile and ran upstairs to face his king, his Arthur, his destiny...

oOoOo

"Arthur," Merlin said softly, opening the door.

The king stood up immediately. He gaped at his friend, not believing that he was truly standing there. He wanted to do thousand things at once but he couldn't move and do even one of them.

"I'm sorry," the warlock said, coming closer to his king. "I'm so sorry..."

"You should be," Arthur finally replied. "Do you have any idea...?" His voice broke. He was feeling too many emotions to be able to speak properly.

"I do," Merlin assured him. "The hell! I do very well."

They looked at each other for a while in complete silence. Then they moved towards one another and fell into tight embrace.

"Don't leave me," Arthur whispered into Merlin's ears. "Don't marry Rowena, I'm begging you. Do you know what she's told me?"

"I won't marry her," Merlin promised frantically. "She's deceived both of us."

Arthur laughed happily and pulled Merlin closer. He wanted to kiss him but his friend did not let him.

"Arthur," Merlin said in a serious voice. "We need to talk. I need to explain everything."

The king groaned. "Can't you just let it go?" he asked.

"No," the warlock said firmly. "It's important."

Arthur let out a sigh. "Fine," he said. "But if you're about to tell me that you've found another fiancée, then I swear to God I won't let you marry her."

"Don't be a prat," Merlin told him but part of him was glad that Arthur was so possessive. "Let's sit down. My story is quite long."

Arthur nodded in a silent agreement. They both took a seat on king's bed because it was the most comfortable place in the whole chamber.

"I once told you about the Crystal Cave," Merlin began his story. "Do you remember what it is?"

Arthur did. Then Merlin started explaining everything, step by step, telling his king what happened to him. Arthur listened to his story with great patience. He didn't disturb Merlin when it wasn't necessary, though when he heard about the second vision he couldn't help himself.

"Merlin," he said softly. "I swear, I..."

"Hush." Merlin put his fingers on Arthur's mouth. "Let me finish first."

"But I won't hurt you like this," the king promised.

"Arthur."

"I love you," he said before Merlin could stop him.

The warlock remained silent for a while, watching his king very carefully. He blushed lightly and smiled shyly. He was aware of Arthur's feelings but it was the first time when Arthur actually said it out loud.

"I do, Merlin," the blonde assured him.

"I know," Merlin said. "And I love you too, with my whole heart, but please... let me finish my story."

Arthur grinned madly. Merlin just admitted his feelings to him. Now he could sit down and listen patiently to the rest of his story. He was the happiest man all over the world.

Merlin continued his story. He told him about saving child's life and then hesitated.

"You brought him to Camelot, didn't you?" Arthur said. He was proud of Merlin. He was proud that he had him in his life.

The dark haired man nodded.

"Where is he now?" the king asked him.

"Raven's taking care of him," Merlin told him.

"Good." Then Arthur turned pale. "You know about Raven?" he asked after a while.

Merlin looked down on the floor. "Yes, I do," the warlock admitted. "Did you want to keep her a secret?" he asked.

"It's not like that," Arthur assured him quickly. "I just... It's better when people don't know such things about their kings."

"Do you truly believe they don't?" Merlin asked him. "I've found out recently but I was blind. I never saw what I didn't want to see. At least when it was about you."

"I'm sorry," the king said honestly.

"Don't be sorry." Merlin sighed. "You had right to do so. Besides... it doesn't matter any more. And it doesn't concern me any longer."

"But it did concern you," Arthur pointed out. "Were you jealous?"

Merlin blushed. "It doesn't matter," he said after a while. "And you haven't let me finish my story yet!"

"I thought it was the end," Arthur said as a defence.

"It wasn't." The warlock cleared his throat and looked his king in the eyes. "Before boy's mother died, sherevealed his name to me."

"Which is?" Arthur asked, frowning.

"His name's William," Merlin said, smiling hopefully.

"Wasn't it the name of my son from the vision?" Arthur needed to make sure that he remembered it.

"It was," Merlin confirmed, now grinning like a madman.

"Can it mean that...?" He was too happy to name it. There was a hope that he was going to have both Merlin and an heir.

"I think so," Merlin whispered, pulling Arthur into a kiss. When they pulled apart, they started laughing out loud, rolling on royal bed.

When they calmed down, Arthur looked at Merlin and said, "do you know that the whole Camelot thinks that you're going to marry Rowena tomorrow?"

The warlock shrugged. "They'll be surprised then," he said. "I will never get married."

Arthur turned his gaze away from Merlin.

"Arthur?" the warlock asked worryingly.

"I wish we could..." he said silently.

"Me too." Merlin touched his hair lovingly. "But it's impossible. Probably they would accept me as your royal bed-warmer but they would never accept me as your legitimate husband."

"Don't call yourself my bed-warmer," Arthur said firmly. "You're so much more."

"I know," Merlin said idly, "but I'd rather be your bed-warmer than Rowena's husband."

Arthur gave him a small smile. "I'm glad to hear that," he whispered. "You know what? I can't wait to see our son.

Merlin blushed madly which wasn't unnoticed by Arthur.

"Although you can't be my husband, William will be our son. And I'm not going to hide that I think of him as _ours_," Arthur said firmly.

"I'm not sure you should," Merlin said shyly.

"I'm not going to hide that you're the most important person to me either," the king assured him. "I want everyone to know that they can't steal your from me."

"I wouldn't let them anyway," Merlin assured him.

"I hoped to hear that," Arthur said, making Merlin laugh.

Then someone knocked on the door.

"It must be Raven with Will," Merlin said, sitting up on the bed.

Arthur followed him. "Come in," he said loudly.

Merlin was right. It was Raven with _their _son. "I think you should get to know someone, Sire," she said, smiling.

Arthur walked up to her quickly. He looked at the little boy and couldn't help feeling love and gratitude.

"Take him, Sire," Raven encouraged the king. "You won't break him."

With slightly trembling hands, Arthur took William into his arms.

"He's smiling at you," said Merlin, who stood right behind Arthur's back. "He likes you."

Raven watched the small family in silence. She smiled to herself with satisfaction. She'd always known that there was a way for those two to be together. The little boy was the miracle that she'd been waiting for.

She sighed inwardly and left king's chamber in silence. The new family needed time for themselves.

oOoOo

There was one more thing that Merlin needed to confront on his own. It was Rowena. Arthur insisted on going with him but Merlin told him firmly that he had to do it alone. Arthur was not content with his decision but he respected it.

Rowena let Merlin in to her house, smirking victoriously. "Finally," she said before Merlin could open his mouth. "You've realised that my offer is the best you can have. I knew you would come to such conclusion."

"I was thinking a lot," Merlin admitted. "I didn't know what to do. I used to think that you were entirely different person."

"It's better when one doesn't know everything about their spouse," she said smoothly.

"I wish I knew you better," Merlin told her frankly. "Then, maybe, I would know what to do from the very beginning."

"What do you mean?" Rowena asked. She didn't like the way Merlin was speaking.

"I'd rather die than marry you," he said firmly. "The wedding is cancelled."

"Are you insane?" she asked him. "Can't you see that it's the only way you can have your beloved king?"

"Even if it were true, I wouldn't marry you," he said decisively. "However I'm lucky that you've been wrong all along."

Rowena snickered. "Your dear Arthur told you so, didn't he? He told you that he won't marry anyone and that he'll always be faithful to you, right? Don't be naïve Merlin... The king needs an heir and you can't give him one. Sooner or later he'll have to take a wife and sleep with her to sire a son. If she bears a daughter, then they'll have to do this one more time." She came closer to him. "Dear Merlin, you'll never have him on your own. That's not going to happen. It's better for you to have a wife for yourself and pretend to be _normal_."

"You know nothing, Rowena," Merlin replied, smiling. "I have given Arthur a son."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?" she asked with a weaker voice.

"I've given him a son," Merlin repeated. "His name is William. Besides... I could do it thanks to you. If you weren't such a cruel woman, I wouldn't leave Camelot and therefore I wouldn't save baby's life. At least for this one thing I should thank you."

Rowena turned pale. For a few seconds she was absolutely speechless. She could only gape at Merlin hatefully. "People won't accept you anyway," she said eventually. "They'll want a queen."

"Perhaps you're right," Merlin said. "Perhaps you're wrong." He shrugged. "For Arthur, I'll take the risk."

"Then you're naïve," she barked.

"I'm in love," he replied. "I have right to be a little bit naïve."

Then he left her house, knowing that he would never go there again. He'd made the decision and he was more than happy to face all the consequences. With Arthur by his side, he would conquer all.

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><p><strong>Please, review!<br>**

**I promise that I'll do my best to update an epilogue in a few days.**


	12. Epilogue

**Author: LadyFromPoland**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.**

**Warning: SLASH**

**English is not my mother language**

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><p><strong>I should have updated sooner but I've been too much preoccupied to make myself finish the Epilogue quickly. I had to learn a lot, then I watched the last episode of "Sherlock" and have been excited ever since (I stopped counting the amount of fics that I've read recently). And now there is this issue of ACTA. I really hate this idea!<br>I've managed to finish this last part anyway so enjoy it!**

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><p><em><strong>Engagement of an idiot<strong>_

_**Epilogue**_

The last few years meant to Merlin more than he could tell. Every single day was like a blessing and he was thanking for happiness all the time. It is, however, wrong to think that Merlin's life was perfect. He couldn't be with Arthur officially. That would be highly inappropriate and it would offend some of the people. Nonetheless, Merlin liked to think of his life as perfect. The titles were never something that he praised and they definitely weren't something that he needed in his life. He had already been given everything that made the life happy. That was more than he'd been hoping for for many years.

There were some members of the King's Council who tried to convince him to marry some noble lady. They were saying over and over again that the kingdom would benefit from a good marriage. However, they had lost the most powerful argument. Arthur had a ward who was already named an heir to the throne. It didn't really matter that he wasn't Arthur's true son. The king had right to name his heirs if he didn't have a legitimate son and since William was raised by him from a very young age, the king could pass all the values on him.

Nonetheless, throughout last few years, quite a lot of princes visited Camelot in order to seduce Arthur and become his queen. All of them were very disappointed when they were finally finding out that all their efforts were hopeless. Arthur didn't even seem a little bit interested in them. There was one princess who was closer to the success than any other, though. She was very beautiful and smart. Most of all, however, she knew very much about men and their weaknesses. Although Merlin was finding hilarious all the efforts of previous princesses, that time he felt really unsafe. He truly feared that he was about to lose Arthur and he needed to intervene. Thanks to his help, the king quickly realised that the princess was seducing him very skilfully and that she, giving him a very strong mixture of alcohol and herbs, almost dragged him to bed.

Since that event, Arthur started to be more careful. He knew very well to whom his heart belonged and he didn't want to ruin it because of one small mistake. Listening to his heart costed him too much to give it up easily and stupidly.

On one lazy afternoon, in the royal gardens, Merlin was watching his son playing between the flowers. It was a delightful sight.

Then he spotted Arthur. He smiled at him cheerfully and winked an eye. It was their way of saying _find me later and then you'll see..._. They had plenty of non-verbal signs to communicate in front of other people or at the distance.

Arthur winked at him back and Merlin just knew that he meant _can't wait_.

Then the king turned his attention towards his son who didn't notice him. "William!" he called the boy.

The kid turned around to look at him. "Yes, father?" he asked innocently.

Merlin smiled to himself. It was the scene that he had seen a few years before in the Crystal Cave. It was the scene that he had been so much afraid of. Now he knew that there was nothing to fear.

oOoOo

In the evening Merlin found his way to Arthur's chambers. The truth was, that after all these years it was more their shared chamber than just Arthur's. However, they needed to keep up appearances.

Merlin was never talking to anyone about where he was going in the evenings but he wasn't definitely creeping into king's chambers. The servants, among themselves, gossiped a lot about Merlin and Arthur's encounters. It was true that they had never caught their king red-handed but it had never been their intention. The servants simply passed short glances and smiled meaningfully. When they found Merlin in Arthur's chambers early in the morning, half-clothed, they often said "You fell asleep in the middle of discussing the state matters again, didn't you Merlin?"

Merlin knew that they knew the truth and he was grateful that they kept it to themselves.

Sometimes, young handmaids couldn't help giggling, hearing the moans from the inside of king's chamber; the two completely different but undoubtedly male moans.

The servants didn't dare to speak about it outside the castle. Arthur was a good king and they respected him very much. He was, however, a human and had his small weakness. The servant silently agreed that it was a detail and that they didn't care. Besides, there was one good thing in this unusual situation. The king had only one lover and he seemed contented enough not to look for another one. The virtue of many young women was safe.

"You've come finally," Arthur said, pulling him into an impatient kiss.

"William called me his father in front of half of the Council," Merlin said, pulling apart.

"It's not the first time," the king murmured blithely. "I've already gotten used to."

"It's serious, Arthur." Merlin tried to sound seriously himself but he was not able to with Arthur's arms all around him. "You shouldn't..."

"I shouldn't...?" Arthur asked, taking his hands away.

Merlin groaned impatiently. "Fine," he said. "We'll talk about it tomorrow."

The king smirked playfully. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear," he whispered into Merlin's ear and pulled him towards the bed.

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><p><strong>This last time, please, review! It's been a pleasure to write the story. I hope that you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.<strong>


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